Last week 21Rotarians joined in for our meeting with Scott from Westbrook Rotary. It was great to see everyone again. Meetings will be held up to 45 minutes in length.
Our next club meeting on April 29, 2020 will again be held as a virtual video meeting on ZOOM. Meeting will be most likely held this way through May 15.
I have previously sent you an email invitation with the ZOOM link. Simply click on the link starting at NOON. This will give you time to check your computer for connection, and to see if your camera and microphone are operating. To avoid stray noises and feedback on the mic, it is recommended that you use an earpiece with mic.
Also at the bottom of the email, there is a link for you to register or decline so that we know to expect you.
If you need any help, feel free to give me a call at 207.289.8375
These are certainly crazy and scary times with many businesses closing, folks staying home, mixed messages on the news and the uncertainty of what we can buy for food and supplies. I hope everyone is feeling okay and helping neighbors and older folks as best as they can. Be safe.
Due to the Coronavirus and the recommendation for social distancing, we will not be meeting in-person until further notice. We don’t know when the restaurants will be allowed to re-open or when the ban will be lifted concerning gatherings of ten or more people. I really miss all of you and miss our fun weekly gathering.
Our 25th annual Essay Contest was to be held on April 8th will be postponed and is dependent on the school schedule and whether or not the students go back to school this spring. We haven’t made any definite plans yet.
Our centennial celebration is postponed and will hopefully be scheduled this fall. Fausto is going to talk to Gina at the farm about their available dates and we will keep you posted. All of the Rotarians from the UK have had to cancel their travel plans to attend in May but I hope they can make it in the fall.
Stay healthy and we hope you can enjoy this time with your families.
I think that’s everything but if anyone has questions, please reply to this email and I’ll do what I can to get your answers.
Grant goes to the club to combat food insecurity (not COVID-19 specific)
Don has already made a verbal request and we are in the queue to receive a check
Reports will need to be furnished to document use of funds
Don will have conversation with Fausto regarding how we hope to use the funds
APEX UPDATE
Melissa believes they are in good shape for the next 2 weeks
Long term donors have been contributing funds
A United Way grant was received via Tom's of Maine
90 packages were distributed last week
75 packages are being prepared for tomorrow
FOOD BANK UPDATE
Brenda attempted to contact Stone Soup but phone was disconnected
She did speak with Toni at the Saco food pantry - money would be great but food donations are better
Please see Brenda's detailed email for a list of suggested food donations
Biddeford is requesting many of the same items as Saco, as well as toiletries and marshmallows
Conrad contacted Market Basket regarding 'Stuff the Bus' - waiting to hear back from Tewksbury HQ
Don raised the issue of consumers having less disposable income for this type of fundraiser
Melissa mentioned the possibility of purchasing bulk items from Sysco which can be repackaged for food pantry
CITY OF OOB
OOB is providing gift certificates to families who request assistance
They are currently working with 20-30 families, providing help as needed
Hannaford gift certificates are preferred due to alcohol/tobacco/lottery limitations
The food pantry was closed due to food availability and safety concerns
Families have been working out transportation to grocery store on their own - no issues so far
VOTING RESULTS
$500 worth of gift certificates ($50 each) for OOB - UNANIMOUS
$1,000 donation to Seeds of Hope - UNANIMOUS
$1,500 ($500 each) for Apex and Saco and Biddeford food pantries - UNANIMOUS
TASKS
Don to drop off 2 bottles of hand sanitizer to Saco food pantry
Don is also reaching out to IHOP owner regarding pancake mix
Brenda talking to Toni / CJ to Don Bisson about repackaging bulk food
Marty to contact Big Tree Hospitality regarding potential excess food
MISC
Next meeting is at 2 PM
Roland has a family member in the maple syrup industry (Saco food pantry requested syrup)
Paulette has a tax exempt Sam's Club card and is willing to check inventory
Walmart allows Apex to reserve large quantities of food - we may be able to piggyback
Thank you,
Kaitlin
Responses:
From Don: I dropped off 3 bottles of sanitizer at the Saco Food Pantry today
From Marty: Kaitlin, thanks so much for these very well done minutes. I'm sorry I had to jump off before the end of the call. How did we decide to notify grantees?
From Brenda: If I recall correctly, We’re planning on donating food. I am contacting Toni to see if they will take bulk food. If not, I will contact Melissa, and see if we can piggyback with her Walmart for the things on the Saco Pantry list.
CJ – I think if you could do the same in Biddeford with Don and let me and or Melissa know, that would be great.
Conrad will ask for the money from Fausto and Sue since he is committee chair.
Conrad, can you also give the check the $500 check to Melissa for APEX?
Marty should be the one to bring the check to Seeds of Hope.
Conrad will bring the 10 $50 gift cards to OOB.
The checks for the Saco and Biddeford food pantry, $500 each, will be made to either Walmart or Apex or Sysco. That still needs to be determined.
Sound good?
From Conrad:
Marty, Kaitlin, Brenda, CJ,
Yes we should have discussed it yesterday. I would agree that the Rotary contact person should notify the recipient agency contact person.
We also will need to know who the check should be made out to and a mailing address to send/ deliver the check to. Please send that to me and I will work with Susan to get the checks.
Thanks everyone for jumping in I was delivering food to my 96 year old Aunt. ( I think that counts as a trip
The Biddeford-Saco Rotary Club awards a Scholarship of $1,000.00 for either a four (4)-year or two (2)-year degree to a Senior graduating from Biddeford High School, the Regional Center of Technology, Thornton Academy and from Old Orchard Beach High School who is planning to continue his/her technical or academic education at an accredited certificate or degree granting, post-secondary school and who is not an immediate family member of a Biddeford-Saco or Saco Bay Rotarian.
SELECTION PROCESS
An Application form shall be completed by the candidate and submitted to his/her guidance department no later than Monday April 27, 2020. All applications will be submitted to the Scholarship Committee by all Guidance Departments by Monday April 27, at 2:00 p.m.
The Scholarship Committee will select three seniors from each school and notify the Guidance Offices of their identity by FRIDAY, MAY 8, 2020. The final selection will be by personal interviews of the three Finalists done by Members of the Biddeford-Saco Rotary Club's Scholarship Committee.
The Guidance Offices will be notified of the specific day and time for each Finalist to be interviewed, which will be either Tuesday, May 19 at 3:00 p.m. or 4:00 p.m. OR Wednesday, May 20 at 3:00 p.m. or 4:00 p.m.*Please note these interviews due to COVID-19 may need to be conducted via Zoom or Skype. If we meet in person, the personal interviews for two schools will be held in the Conference Room of Bangor Savings Bank, located at 270 Main St. in Saco.
The Guidance Offices will be notified of the Scholarship Recipient by Friday, May 22nd, 2020.
SELECTION CRITERIA
The Candidates will be selected based upon:
1. Community activity and involvement;
2. Academic Standing;
3. Interview rating; and
4. FINANCIAL NEED - a photocopy of EFC Determination should accompany the application, providing the “Estimated Family Contribution” (EFC).
CONDITION OF SCHOLARSHIP AWARD
The Scholarship Recipient shall furnish a transcript or other proof of successful completion of the first semester of post-secondary education for each year. That documentation should be mailed to: Sue Gajewski, Treasurer – Biddeford Saco Rotary Club, P.O. Box 298, Saco, ME 04072. A check for the $1,000.00 scholarship awarded will then be forwarded directly to the Student at his/her home address for payment toward the Student’s second semester.
These same Guidelines also apply for the Biddeford-Saco Rotary Club Scholarship of $1,000.00 to a student who attends York County Community College as a full-time student the fall semester of 2020.
A pdf Application may be downloaded by clicking link on left side of Home Page under downloads: Scholarship Application Form
A couple of more notches in the 2x4. Hey look I can see outside.
A few more rambling random thoughts…..
This past weekend, I kid you not, I watched Snoop Dog playing in a Madden NFL 2020 tournament broadcast on ESPN. I am totally serious. It was sad enough that ESPN was actually analyzing a video football game between Snoop Dog and Hollywood Brown, but it was even more pathetic that I was watching it! It was almost as bad as those old electric football games where you would set up your tiny plastic men, then turn on the vibrating table and watch them all congregate in a pile. What I would give for one of those games right now.
I was a little late getting this to Brian. I took the President’s advice and tried swallowing an old lava lamp to see if it would ward off the virus. I will probably never know whether it works or not, but boy did I feel like crap for a couple of days. Every time I turned it on I got terrible indigestion. I may try fighting the indigestion by swallowing a few Lizol wipes. While you can’t flush them, if the President said so I am sure it is safe to swallow them. They’re nice in a salad.
Hey, the Governor is supposed to start unveiling her re-opening plans in the next couple of days. This is like Christmas. I sat on Governor Mills virtual lap and told her I wanted the golf courses to re-open along with massage parlors and Zumba studios. I can’t wait to see what I get. If you want, you can write to Santa Mills at the Blaine House and tell her what you want. I’m afraid she is going to come out of the Blaine House and see her shadow and announce another month of lockdown.
This social distancing has really magnified how not funny Saturday Night Live is now. It is even worse without a studio audience which is told when to laugh. How I long for the days of Chevy Chase, Gilda Radner and John Bellucci.
Catching up on some of the classics while on lockdown. Just finished The Catcher in the Rye. Misleading title for a really good book. I have also watched Talladega Nights twice, another American classic that elevates NASCAR up onto the pedestal it deserves. Will Ferrell at his best.
Does the lockdown cause insanity? I am going to self-diagnose and get back to you on that. No you’re not.
Days 23-25 of the Maine Lockdown.
Three more notches in the 2x4. If you squint when you look at the 2x4 it looks a little like Richard Nixon.
A few rambling random thoughts…..
Have any of you forgotten what day it is? I had no idea Patriots Day had come and gone or what is usually you get extra time to file your taxes day in Maine in Massachusetts. The only significance of Patriots Day this year is no Boston Marathon and no early Red Sox game, oh and there’s a pandemic going on.
I have to say that Nancy Pelosi was styling in her silk handkerchief she wore for a facemask. Nancy, it is more about safety than style, but she’s got a foot in the grave anyway.
I would say the blame game is on full display right now. Trump and the republicans did not act quickly enough and the democrats criticized every step they took as being too late or too soon. It is like when your window gets broken and all of your kids deny it and accuse the other kids. At the end of the day the window is still broken and it is raining outside. It just needs to be fixed no matter whose fault it is. If you think about it we spend our entire lives trying to avoid taking tests and now all people want to do is take a test. Go figure.
Do you think Nora O’Donnell says “breaking news” when she breaks wind? Everything, and I mean everything, is breaking news with that woman.
I have lots of time to read the paper now. Do you read the obituaries? First of all who decides on what picture to use? Some of the pictures are from 50 years ago. Who are they fooling? I think people should use a picture as close to when they die as possible (or after they die) because that is the image most of us remember. Maybe a chalk outline would be appropriate in some instances. Obituaries also always make the decedent seem saintly. I would love to read one that says that Mr. Smith was a dink to everyone he ever met or Mrs. Jones drank too much and could not help but be a bitch most of the time. I’ve got some time, I am going to write mine now and be as honest as I can be while still being brief because I swear obituary fees are the only things keeping papers afloat.
Why to people wear PPE masks while driving in their cars alone? That’s like putting on a football helmet and sitting in the middle of the football field all by yourself. If you say better safe than sorry I think the answer is that it is just sorry.
While I am anxious to play golf and to otherwise have a return to normalcy, we have to wonder what the new normal will be. When will we be able to meet again as a group, in person, and when will we really be comfortable in doing so? Will waiters and waitresses have to wear personal protection equipment for the indefinite future? When will shopping not entail guessing on a size and color or hoping that the part will work? Will we stay 6 feet apart forever? How big will king size beds become?
I think I have the same cash in my pocket that has been there for a month. Now some of you would suggest that that is not unusual for me, and you might be right, but I would not mind circulating in some new cash inventory from time to time.
Vincent Van Gogh once said: “Normality is a paved road: It’s comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it.” I’ll take a paved road right now and let the flowers come later. Perhaps this quote from William James captures where we are the best. He (I have no idea who he is) said: “To study the abnormal is the best way of understanding the normal.” If we reflect on the coronavirus pandemic world we can better appreciate and perhaps even better understand the world pre and post-pandemic.
Apparently, the sale of alcohol is way up. What else do we have to do?
One more notch in the 2x4. Starting to look like a totem pole, wait can I say totem pole?
I saw this quote this morning and thought I would share:
“Went to this restaurant call THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.”
I am sure that if you are watching sports on TV you now know that Tiger Woods won the 2019 Masters again. The Patriots won the 2019 Super Bowl again and Tom Brady is still going to play for Tampa Bay. It is reassuring to know that no matter how many times they replay an event the results are still the same. I am hoping they will eventually invent a television that allows us to alter the results of events on TV. If I had that power Big Bang Theory would still be making new episodes and the Red Sox would have won the 2019 World Series for back to back world championships. Okay, the second one is an extreme stretch, but the Washington Nationals, come on!
On Sunday, ESPN was actually showing the 1997 National Spelling Bee. A freakin’ spelling bee on ESPN. Stuart Scott would be rolling over in his grave after a contestant failed to spell “Boo Yah” correctly.
I checked out the TMZ show about the Tiger King. The notoriety of the Tiger King is proof positive that America does not do well in lockdown, and collectively we are losing our minds. Sure, after the fact it is easy to question whether the country should have started imposing social distancing requirements sooner, but I feel Americans resist such impositions on their freedom with all of their might and when their freedom is limited they react by starting to do things like hoarding toilet paper and watching the Tiger King. New Hampshire is changing its license plates to “Live Free of Charmin” and Patrick Henry’s famous quote has to be changes to “Give me liberty or give me the Tiger King!”
Hang in their Rotarians, spring reruns are coming and guess what they come out the same way.
Days 16-19 of the Maine Lockdown.
Four more notches in the 2x4. I told Holly we have carpenter ants.
I don’t know about you but my hands are as dry as Denis Elie’s sense of humor. An armadillo would not let me pat it. Okay, don’t ask me where I found an armadillo in Maine. I have washed my hands and sanitized so much that there is no moisturizer on earth that will help. I really hate that I wrote that last sentence. What is happening to me?
While we are in lockdown don’t let it lockdown your common sense. The following is an absolutely true story. A woman received a call from what she thought was the Westbrook police. They told her they had arrested her grandson and she needed to bail him out. So far I can only tell you that cops don’t call anyone to have them come bail someone out, that is the arrestee’s responsibility, but I will let that part go.
The alleged police officer told the lady to go to Lowe’s and buy $5,000.00 worth of gift cards and then bring them to an address and they would let her grandson go. Maybe the Westbrook police are building something. I am surprised they didn’t ask her for a truckload of plywood. Granny heads right over to Lowe’s with $5,000 in cash and indicates that she wants to buy $5,000.00 worth of gift cards. Well thank God for the pandemic because that meant one of the three workers usually in a Lowe’s store was available to wait on her, and they questioned why she needed so many gift cards. I suspect that employee has since been fired. In any event, the employee called the Westbrook police, they confirmed that they are not putting an addition on the station, and therefore it must be a scam. No shit. Actually I am trying to get the lady’s name because I have time on my hands and have a few home improvement projects to tackle.
In reality there are a number of scams out there so please make sure that you and any of your elderly friends (Don Pilon be aware) do not fall victim. We all have time to kill so why not click on the link from that Nigerian Prince or Princess?
If any of you do have elderly parents or grandparents check in on them from time to time. I set my mother up with one of those hamster water bottles so I don’t have to go down there too often. She refused to get in the giant exercise wheel I got her, but she likes the saw dust I spread in her living room. I cannot imagine having a parent or a grandparent in a nursing home right now. This is one of the few times I am happy my Dad has passed. My father was the king of handshaking and I am afraid he would not understand that shaking hands is simply something we cannot do right now and may never do again. What will we replace handshaking with? Butt sniffing like dogs? A subtle nod like our club members who used to sit at the cool table? Greeting cards you can hand out at the end of a stick (good for the paper industry which will have to stop making toilet paper for two years since people have hoarded so much)? Perhaps buzzing people you meet on the street with your own personal drone which constantly flies over your head? Maybe just waving from 6-10 feet away will become the norm. That will cut down on the spread of lots of diseases including STDs, but it will also have a dramatic impact on the world’s population if people aren’t touching each other. I guess if we don’t wave we can always text each other when we walk by, hell people do that now so it will not be a big adjustment.
Again, thank God my Dad is not around to live through this insanity. Take care folks and if you think you see light at the end of the tunnel it might really be a train.
Days 20-22 of the Maine Lockdown.
Three more notches in the 2x4. I think I am developing carpal tunnel syndrome from all the notching, or at least I think that’s why my wrist hurts.
I certainly hope that all of you who wanted to get a Paycheck Protection Program (“PPP”) loan were able to get one. A few fun PPP facts. The SBA approved 1,066,000 loans with about 60% of those coming from community banks. 4,975 lenders participated. The average size loan was $206,000.00, but 74% of the loans were for under $150,000.00. The construction sector led the way with 13.12% of the loans which is interesting because that sector is not necessarily shut down. The professional, scientific and technical services sector (again not shut down) received 12.65% of the loans; manufacturing 12.65% (again still operating) and health care and social assistance (clearly operating) receive 11.65% of the loans. I certainly hope it will help, but only time will tell.
I spent part of my weekend rebuilding my daughter’s chicken coop which including wrangling 23 young chickens and one dick head rooster who is doomed to be barbecued once he is big enough. We had to remove them from the coop so the hammering and sawing would not give them heart attacks. We moved them into a temporary pen and the rooster immediately escaped resulting in a mad scramble to capture the little bastard. Frankly, I would have let him go. I am hoping that having 24 grand-chickens will be good training for grandchildren, but then again I just advocating barbecuing one of my grand-chickens so maybe I am not ready to be a grandfather yet.
Brian Dallaire circulated the Bideford, England February Club Bulletin. Take a look at it. They donated funds to the Seashore Trust and the Australian Bush Fire Fund (I am guessing they still think Australia is part of the British empire). The pounds came from their Club Quiz and Frugal Lunch. I have to know what those are. Brian D, can you find out? I love that fact that their weekend in Gloucester was cancelled due to a lack of interest. Apparently Covid-19 had nothing to do with it. I also love that fact “Jill passed around two boards”. I am imaging 1x10s six feet long for social distancing, but I am not sure. One was for “Moirag on her Night Walk.” I am not sure about Moirag, but if she is raising money on Night Walks then some of our members are going to have to step it up a little. Lucie Kay, head out each evening in Hills Beach and see if you can raise a little money. Lucie, it’s for the children. Apparently they still donate dictionaries in England. Perhaps we should do a fundraiser to send England some computers or money to expand their broadband so they too can look up anything they want on the web.
They were told to put the Water Festival in their diaries. I don’t know about you but I put things in my diary that I have already done. No wonder they lost the Revolutionary War. Water Festival? I am guessing that is when the water board a bunch of Kiwanis Club members. Jill already has the boards. They also reported the crocuses in the Heywood roundabout which made me feel so inadequate because I have not been updating you on vegetation developments here. For those of you who care, there are millions of daffodils in bloom in the Laurel Hill cemetery, but of course that is a non-essential trip, but I won’t tell. There I feel much better now and I will continue to keep you posted on our flora and fauna.
Our days are currently as long as they will be in late August, but sometimes they seem much longer than that. I look forward to passing a board or two when we meet again.
Three more notches in the 2x4. Had to sister another 2x4 to the notched one to keep it in one piece. I have smartened up and I am now making the notches with a utility knife instead of an axe. That should prolong the life of that side of my garage.
With the social distancing and time spent either at my desk processing literally 100’s of SBA Payroll Protection Program Loans which is like making widgets on an assembly line, I have time to reflect on the “can you image” things in the world.
Think back to the end of 2019 when we started hearing about the fact that the Chinese may have discovered a new virus that could be serious. They started talking about a City named Wuhan and there were references to someone eating a bat. Hey, China is a huge country with more people than Carter has little pills so that all seemed insignificant to us and the world. Well fast forward about 6 months, holy crap! Who would have believed we would be where we are today. It is the definition of this being a small world.
As I daydream I imagine…………
A few years ago my wife gives me a gift certificate to a fortune teller and I humor her and go in for my session. The fortune teller is an older woman with thick eyebrows, a silk wrap on her head and a dire disposition. The room is dark with tapestries hanging over the windows so only a small amount of light leaks into what appears to be a room with book cases lining the walls. The air smells of a combination of incense and body odor (perhaps that is me because I am a little nervous) I ask her to predict the future and after a lecture on how that is not how this works she precedes to do just that.
She tells me that Tiger Woods, the greatest golfer on the planet, is going to fall from grace, sleep around on his smoking hot wife with a Denney’s waitress among dozens (look no letters please if you happen to be a Denney’s waitress on the weekend or some, I have no issues with Denney’s waitresses and I am sure that they are all attractive enough to pique the interest of Tiger Woods), get beaten up by is now ex-wife and his game will go to crap because of injuries. The guy is one of the best conditioned athletes on the planet. Gypsy Lady, you are not only a fraud, you’re insane.
She says that Tom Brady will still be playing quarterback in the NFL at age 43 but he will be playing for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Okay lady do you have a drinking problem.
Joe Moreshead will buy a toilet that actually washes and dries your ass when you are done. Come on Lady, Joe is extravagant but who would ever need a toilet like that? (Side note here, Joe has one of these toilets, but apparently he does not use the dryer. I thought he had ass sweat, but I guess he just needs to stay of the dry cycle a little longer)
Then she tells me Mayor Don Pilon will join our Rotary Club and become president for two years in a row. Lady that is just crazy talk on so many levels. Our club has standards you know, but even if we let him in no one is president for two years in a row. That’s when she mentioned something about a bald Cuban and I almost left the session.
Then she got all political on me predicting the Donald Trump would become president beating Hillary Clinton in a close election upset. I called 911 requesting medical assistance, but during my call she went on. She said that in 2020 Joe Biden would run for president along with about 15 other people including some old fart from Vermont, Biden would get smoked in Iowa and New Hampshire and then go on to win the Democratic nomination. He then debates Trump who apparently runs for re-election and at the debate he challenges Trump to a pushup contest and starts by doing ten one arm pushups. At that point I am looking for the hidden camera in the room because I am clearly being Punk’d.
Finally she tells me that in 2020 a virus which originates from a bat in China essentially shuts down the world, causing markets to tank, precipitating recessions and forcing all of us to stay home for extended periods of time. I cry out: “Come on lady, I think you ripped my wife off when you sold her this gift certificate, you’re just making stuff up based on some movies you’ve watched!” And I leave. What a hack.
Okay, I have weird daydreams.
I will leave off these 3 days with this thought. After 9/11 we finally started to recognize the contributions to society by our first responders. You know, the people who run at a catastrophe instead of running away from it. It is during times like these that we must acknowledge that everyone who works in our healthcare system should also be honored for putting themselves at risk to help others. The doctors, nurses, aides and facilities people are all risking serious illness to help those who cannot help themselves. My daughter is a pharmacist at the Togus VA Hospital. As a clinical pharmacist she is not in a back room filing prescriptions, she is on the floor treating the patients. She has been assigned to a team to the ICU and I worry about her every day, but I also need to thank her for doing what she does because so many take granted the risks healthcare workers take every day and especially now. If you know a healthcare worker thank him or her just like you would thank any other first responder. They deserve our gratitude.
Days 11-14 of the Maine Lockdown.
Four more notches in the 2x4. My neighbor thought I was marking the heights of my three kids who are grown and have not lived at home for a while. My neighbor is a dumbass.
Another weekend at home. I have raked my lawn so many times it is bald. I have started clearing underbrush in my woods and the effort is getting personal. I swear I have cut every small tree, twig and plant in an area and I come back a little while later and there is still one solitary bastard just standing there twitching in the breeze. At that point the hell with the snippers, I fire up my Stihl chainsaw with the 18 inch blade and I send that little twig to oblivion. Yes, the lockdown can get to me.
Hell, I was incredibly excited to drive to Dayton (not sure I have ever said that before) to see if Gonneville’s Farm was open and it was! Holly and I got a soft serve cone and were as happy as if we had spent a weekend in NYC having seen three Broadway shows. Did I mention the lockdown is getting to me?
How many of you remember the episode of I Love Lucy when Lucy is working the assembly line at a candy factory and can’t keep up. For you younger members in the club “I Love Lucy” was an early black and white sitcom featuring Lucille Ball. Oh wait, television used to just be in black and white in case you did not know that. In any event, I have been processing SBA Paycheck Protection Program loans by the 100s and I feel like I am on an assembly line. Every business I can think of from churches to manufacturers and everything in between is applying and getting these loans which if you do it right are not loans at all but instead are grants.
For the churches, and for every other business for that matter, this program is pennies from heaven. I love looking up churches on the Secretary of State’s website. They are not in “good standing”, instead they are “legally existing”. I fully expected more than that. Their existence seems to transcend the law. Shouldn’t they be divinely existing or something?
I can tell you at the end of each day processing these loan documents I feel like Fred Flintstone punching out at the end of the day of the Rockhead and Quarry as I flip Mr. Slate off on my way out the door.
I don’t know about you, but I find myself talking to myself a lot during this lockdown. “No you don’t, yes I do and you know it. Seriously, I never hear you talking to me at all. Then you’re not listening, you dink!” I can be pretty hard on myself, I have a hard time winning an argument and I am funny as hell when there is no one around. I am guessing Heather McLean can talk to herself for hours. She probably has her own book club.
This PPP loan program is a wonderful thing. It will really help a lot of businesses, but there are some businesses that are still flourishing and they are applying for the loan as well. We all rail against socialism, but when we get a chance to feed at the free trough we wiggle our way in for our share of the feed. That, my friends, is the American/Russian way.
The “experts” (known in most parts of the world as peeping Toms) claim there will be a significant increase in births starting in late December and early 2021. Hell, not much else to do. I just hope to God no one names their kid Covid or Pandemy. I imagine those kids will be a little shy and introverted. They will probably stay away from crowds and many will be germaphobes. I have no idea why I think that.
We all have to sympathize with high school seniors. They are missing out on their spring sports, prom, senior night and graduation. Hell, with social distancing how many more kids will start their freshman year of college as virgins? Seriously, they are missing out on some of the greatest days of their entire lives due to a freaking virus that started a whole world away. It is beyond unfair.
Hang in there Rotarians, debate with yourself about the inequities that have been fostered upon our high school students, and try to laugh when you can. What else do we have to do? Oh wait, I forgot about all those kids who will be born in about 9 months.
I realize that the Peanut Gallery has been on hiatus for a while, but with all that is going on I felt that it was important to share the Gallery’s twisted view of all of this crap and particularly the lockdown imposed by the Governor for the month of April. While some appear to perceive the lockdown as a wicked April Fool’s joke, I think most of us know that this is real. So real, in fact, that I must issue a disclaimer. I know that this entire coronavirus pandemic has hit some of your businesses hard so if I am poking fun at the situation it is not intended to minimize what you are going through in any way. While we all need to keep washing our freakin’ hands we also need to laugh a little.
Day 1 of the Maine Lockdown.
I started my day by carving a notch on one of the 2x4s in the garage to mark the first day of the lockdown. I have no idea how long this will last so I might as well keep track of the days. Of course, I do have access to a calendar, TV and the internet, but I intend to keep notching that 2x4 until this is over or I have chewed all the way through it.
I am out on work release each day, yes banks are an essential business along with real estate agencies, bike repair facilities and garden stores and green houses. While I get that people need access to their money and credit, I am not sure why we really need access to pansies and can’t people fix their own bikes for a month. Other than work release I kind of feel imprisoned. Perhaps that is because most TV shows have had their spring finales already, heaven forbid they film more than 12 episodes of a show in any one year, or perhaps it is because I cannot go buy a car if I feel like it.
No, I think it is just a lost sense of freedom. You know, “freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose….” What the F, oh yeah, Joplin was a drug addict.
I guess we all take being able to go wherever we want for granted. Like I really need a haircut. Well, barber shops and hair salons are non-essential business along with my usual back up of dog groomers so I am getting a little shaggy. I guess it is okay to have your cat groomed but dogs are shit out of luck. I can tell you that when you throw nail technicians, cosmetologists, electrolysis services and laser hair removal into the mix of non-essential businesses we are not going to have to worry about social distancing because who will want to get close to a bunch of hairy mustachioed women with chipped nails. Six feet my ass, try 20.
Who the hell eats bats anyway with the possible exception of Fausto who said: “I grew up really poor Cuban in Philadelphia. We ate anything we could get our hands on including rats and bats, and it didn’t affect me in the least. Did I mention I grew up poor? Did I mention I’m Cuban?’
But I digress.
Good news for many, medical marijuana dispensaries are classified as essential businesses. So if you are out and about and driving around a little stoned and you get pulled over by the cops just tell them you’re on the way to Stoner & Company and you’ll be fine. Just a little free legal advice.
I am worried about the Moresheads. They are going to have to eat at home for at least a month and a half. How barbaric!
I understand that the Maine State Golf Association is lobbying the Governor to move golf courses into the essential business category. Hell, the Governor said we can go for walks, so why f up a good walk by throwing in a set of golf clubs. Frankly, if I am deprived of the ability to wear plaid in public for a month I may go mad.
I swear to God if my neighbor looks at me funny again for burning tires in my backyard I am going to fashion my shovel into a shiv. I will get him before he gets me. Whoa, time to drink some more Purell, beer ran out on day 0 of the lockdown – poor planning on my part.
All right, back to work release. Stay safe, stay home and laugh when you can. I will check in later to discuss all the f’ers who have stashed away enough toilet paper to wipe every ass in China three times, and frankly that is where I would like to send them and what I would like to require them to do.
Day 2 of the Maine Lockdown.
Notched the 2x4 in the garage again. My wife is looking at me kind of funny, but I long ago became used to that. I have noticed that when I have a bit of down time, like this entire month of April, I tend to read things on line, or in the actual newspaper that still gets delivered in a tube next to my mailbox, that I would not usually read. Yeah, I still get a real paper. Old school I know, but think of this. Gilligan’s Island aired for 3 years and every day Thurston Howell, III got the Wall Street Journal claiming his paper boy had a really good arm, but the same paper boy failed to tell anyone he was throwing the paper to a customer marooned on an island in the middle of the Pacific. Of course, that is completely irrelevant, but think about it anyway.
So, as I said, I have some time to read things I usually don’t read, and I decided to read Jim Labrie’s Chamber Newsletter. Yes, Jim I know that admission may have cut you to the core, but you’ll get over it. In reading the newsletter I came to Jim’s Closing Thoughts in which he wrote:
T.S. Eliot’s epic poem The Wasteland starts with: “April is the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain.” Dude was right! [Only Jim Labrie refers to T.S. Eliot as “dude”] And this April is going to be an especially cruel month. We’re hoping that you stay well and can help other community members in need whenever possible. Our collective health is the most important priority right now as we all continue to do what’s difficult but necessary to beat this virus.
Here’s a more inspiring thought from T.S. [Jim is clearly very close with T.S. Eliot because he gets to call him T.S. and dude]: “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” Don’t exactly know that that means, but how great is it going to be when we can all re-engage as a community once again and rebuild our collective momentum? We still have a challenging journey in front of us, but Spring’s eternal promise of renewal will come eventually – and with it a refreshed perspective and appreciation for what we’re all missing right now … each other!
Well said, Mr. Labrie, well said. And with that I will head back to work release to make sure all of you have access to your stinkin’ money and credit.
Days 3-5 of the Maine Lockdown.
Starting to weaken the structural integrity of the 2x4 in my garage with three more notches. Forgive me, but it was the weekend so I will consolidate days 3-5.
Before I go any further (pun intended) I have to address the toilet paper shortage. Let’s face it, while horrible in so many ways Covid-19 does not cause diarrhea in most people. Notwithstanding that fact, when I went to the grocery store this weekend I found more unicorns in the unicorn isle than I found toilet paper in the paper goods isle. So what the hell? It’s like buying extra life jackets to head off on a desert safari.
The so-called experts call it panic buying and apparently if one person panic buys then it becomes the instinct of everyone who sees that person buying to want to buy the same thing. I would love to get my hands on that first person who headed into a Costco and bought up 5 jumbo packs (that’s 48 rolls each) of Charmin. Why couldn’t that same bastard have panic purchased 5 huge cans of lima beans or tapioca pudding? What the hell does one person do with 240 rolls of toilet paper?
Let’s do some math. Believe it or not there are toilet paper statistics and a roll of toilet paper is supposed to last the average person 4 days. Now Jackson Brown is so full of crap his last name is Brown so we’ll assume he uses one every two days, but he is the exception and not the rule. So 240 rolls will last the average person 960 days or a couple 480 days. For a single person that is over two and a half years! For a couple we are looking at about a year and a half. I am only speculating here, but I am thinking that there will be plenty of toilet paper a month from now, so the compelling need to stock up for 2 years mystifies me.
The average jumbo pack of toilet paper is also about the size of a shopping cart. Where does one store 5 grocery carts in your apartment? Frankly, so much toilet paper has been purchased I am picturing Aroostook County completely clear cut and now we are heading for the Amazon rain forest for our next round of 2 ply.
Are there other uses for 240 rolls of toilet paper? Gymnasts cannot go to the gym to practice so maybe they are filling foam pits with rolls of toilet paper in their basements. Maybe the jumbo packs make great beanbag chairs that you never, and I mean never, have to leave. Now I understand that the Sears and Roebuck catalogues are long gone so we don’t have the same backup system we used to have, but I am guessing a lot of people still have those Encyclopedia Britannica’s on their bookshelves for decorative purposes or that old edition of Moby Dick that they will never going to read, so they’re covered in a pinch (pun intended again). With that kind of paper reserve please leave a roll or two on the shelves for the next guy.
The government keeps saying that we are all in this together (actually that is Saco & Biddeford Savings’ tag line so I am considering a trade mark suit) while Maine’s translator for the deaf stretches her face in ways that were never intended for the human body (Sponge Bob Square Pants was never that distorted). If we are all in this together please leave a couple of rolls for the next guy or invite him into your house to use the head.
April 4 and I did get my haircut. No, I did not go to some back alley illegal barber shop or bring in my own stylist. First, I normally go to Supercuts so I do not have my own stylist and second I don’t have a stylist. No, Holly cut my hair. She used to cut it all the time, but it has been a few years. I strategically need to wait until I have not pissed her off because there is nothing worse than a spouse hovering over you with a sharp pair of scissors in her hand (remember they are so sharp you are not supposed to run with them in your hand), and your appearance for the next month or two entirely is entirely at her mercy. Since it had been a long time since she had cut my hair I lowered my expectations to having it look like something between Sinead O’Connor and Ed Sheeran (does he own a comb?). It actually came out quite well, and I now figure I can make it through a couple of months without my hair offending too many (but hell no one is going to see me anyway).
Finally, I noticed over the weekend a bunch of motorcycles on the road. Frankly, I never really pay any attention to motorcycles, but I had to wonder where does one go on an essential trip on a motorcycle? But then I realized that this whole lockdown thing has heightened my sense of freedom just a little bit more, not unlike a blind person having a far greater sense of smell or hearing. Trains on the tracks across the river from my house seem that much closer, as I wonder where they are heading. I find myself pondering where the few cars on the Turnpike are going and why, and yes, I wonder where the hell those Harley’s could possibly be going that is so important, followed by a sense of envy that they seem free to go where they want. I suspect we are all craving freedom a bit these days, and perhaps one small benefit of this whole horrible nightmare may be that we won’t take our freedom so much for granted any more, but then again maybe I have just always wanted a motorcycle.
We invite you to make a contribution in any amount to the Rotary Foundation. We have a goal to increase the rate of participation in this year's campaign. Even a $1 will help. We realize that these are difficult times, but the Foundation is responding to the Covid-19 crisis. As a result of social distancing we will be conducting this years appeal remotely.
The Rotary Foundation is a non-profit corporation that supports the efforts of Rotary International to achieve world understanding and peace through international humanitarian, educational, and cultural exchange programs. It is supported solely by voluntary contributions from Rotarians and friends of the Foundation who share its vision of a better world.
The Foundation was created in 1917 by Rotary International's sixth president, Arch C. Klumph, as an endowment fund for Rotary "to do good in the world." It has grown from an initial contribution of US$26.50 to more than US$1billion. It has one of the largest and most Donating to Rotary means clean water and sanitation. Health and hope in areas that were once ravaged by diseases like polio. Economic development and new opportunities. Your financial help makes all this happen, and more.prestigious international fellowship programs in the world.
Donating to Rotary means clean water and sanitation. Health and hope in areas that were once ravaged by diseases like polio. Economic development and new opportunities. Your financial help makes all this happen, and more.
It's quite easy. Make your checks to the Rotary Foundation or even better yet, you may contribute on line directly on the RI website. (link is found on our website home page or at www,https://my.rotary.org/en/donate). Please designate the Annual Fund- Share so funds come back to our District. If you use this method, please let Sue G at (biddsacotreasurer@gmail.com) know about your donation as recording on the RI system will be extremely delayed.
Please make you contributions to Sue G. by the end of April so they may be recorded for President Fausto's year. Under current circumstances checks should be mailed our PO Box 298 in Saco, ME 04072. Just put foundation in the memo area.
As an added benefit, the club will match your contributions up to $100, accelerating your achieving year-after-year total contributions towards the $1,000 mark with the recognition as a Paul Harris Fellow.
Happy March 5, 2020. I am writing to let everyone know that the Biddeford Saco Charitable Funds Committee is rising from the ashes like a Phoenix. At Wednesdays BOD meeting it was discussed to bring the committee back. Dennis Elie and I will co-chair the committee. We also have two members, our newest Rotarians- Jane Foley and Melisa Cilley- welcome! The board thought it would be a great way to get new Rotarians and give them a sense of what we do. But wait there is more, ( I love sales folks who keep using that phrase- but wait there is more ). The four of us want you to join us. If you have any interest in being on the committee just send me an email at jmoreshe@psmp.com . I will add you to the list. We plan on sending out our giving guide lines to committee members so they have a road map for giving.
It is pretty simple we have a budget that can be from $5,000 to $15,000+++ a year to use in support of our charitable requests. I’ll explain our funding sources at our first meeting. Our charitable request form can be found on our website http://www.biddeford-sacorotary.org/ , located in the top right hand corner of the front page. Check out the website, you can connect with other Rotarians, etc. Most folks will hear about us and get directed to the website to download the application and submit it. We will also regularly get requests from American Lung Association, Alzheimer’s, etc.- all of the big not for profits send appeals to our club.
As funds get requested, you will receive an email from the co-chairs that will have the filled out charitable application form, ( just as an aside- you will see information, SSN’s, discharge papers, etc. This information must remain confidential ), and any other supporting information. Read the request, do they mesh with our guidelines? Yes / No, not to worry that is what our meetings are for. If we have requests a meeting will be scheduled to follow a regular Wednesday meeting. Our regular meeting ends at 1:30 our committee will meet right after that. As co-chair I will send out a meeting agenda with a copy of all of the requests we will be discussing at least a week in advance. Our meetings usually last 10 to 15 minutes- not very long. We only meet if we have business to vote on. On occasion there are those emergency requests where the above meeting guidelines will take too long. On those occasions the co-chairs will send out the requests and follow up with email votes, etc.
Lastly, as a committee we only have authority to grant a maximum of $500.00 per request. Any requests larger than that will go to the Board of Directors for approval. Please join the committee and see where your money is going. Don’t you know that it is better to give then receive!
Yours in Rotary,
PP’s Dennis Elie and Joe Moreshead
PS: But wait there is more, I want to see how many people are reading the E-Tack- I have 25% discount on lift tickets at Sunday River- anybody want to go skiing?
But wait there is more, discounts on food and beverage as well—MMMMMMMMMMM, cinnamon buns at North Peak mid morning!
As a favor since I am remotely compiling the tack, please shoot me an e-mail once you have taken the notes. That way I will know who to anticipate sending me the typed up version later on.
Please submit your Tack notes to Brian Dallaire at bdallaire@usa.net and with copy to Julie Villemaire at Jvillemaire@maine.rr.com, no later than the Tuesday AM before the next meeting.
UPDATE: Clynk requests that you hold you bags for 3 days before dropping them off and tie a string or ribbon to show compliance.
Our Club is in first place of 10 Rotary Clubs who participate in this program! But Saco Bay is gaining on us.
Total Raised: $2,633.00
Containers CLYNKed: 47,919
Environmental Impact:
Energy: Saved enough energy to light 66.2 lightbulbs—24 hours a day—for a year.
Emissions: Saved the emissions equivalent of driving a car 12,538 miles.
Volume: Diverted enough containers to fill 484.4 lobster traps.
Fill up those green bags. If you need more bags and/or labels, just let Julie Villemaire know and she can hook you up…no charge!
Simple fill with returnables and drop off at any Hannaford.
Alternately, if you already have a CLYNK account of your own, you can designate you funds as a donation. Hit the Donate button and search for Rotary and you'll find our account.
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