Posted by Bill Kany on Apr 28, 2020
Days 23-25 of the Maine Lockdown.
A couple of more notches in the 2x4. Hey look I can see outside.
A few more rambling random thoughts…..
This past weekend, I kid you not, I watched Snoop Dog playing in a Madden NFL 2020 tournament broadcast on ESPN.  I am totally serious.  It was sad enough that ESPN was actually analyzing a video football game between Snoop Dog and Hollywood Brown, but it was even more pathetic that I was watching it!  It was almost as bad as those old electric football games where you would set up your tiny plastic men, then turn on the vibrating table and watch them all congregate in a pile.  What I would give for one of those games right now.
I was a little late getting this to Brian.  I took the President’s advice and tried swallowing an old lava lamp to see if it would ward off the virus.  I will probably never know whether it works or not, but boy did I feel like crap for a couple of days.  Every time I turned it on I got terrible indigestion.  I may try fighting the indigestion by swallowing a few Lizol wipes.  While you can’t flush them, if the President said so I am sure it is safe to swallow them.  They’re nice in a salad.
Hey, the Governor is supposed to start unveiling her re-opening plans in the next couple of days.  This is like Christmas.  I sat on Governor Mills virtual lap and told her I wanted the golf courses to re-open along with massage parlors and Zumba studios.  I can’t wait to see what I get.  If you want, you can write to Santa Mills at the Blaine House and tell her what you want.  I’m afraid she is going to come out of the Blaine House and see her shadow and announce another month of lockdown. 
This social distancing has really magnified how not funny Saturday Night Live is now.  It is even worse without a studio audience which is told when to laugh.  How I long for the days of Chevy Chase, Gilda Radner and John Bellucci. 
Catching up on some of the classics while on lockdown.  Just finished The Catcher in the Rye.  Misleading title for a really good book.  I have also watched Talladega Nights twice, another American classic that elevates NASCAR up onto the pedestal it deserves.  Will Ferrell at his best. 
Does the lockdown cause insanity?  I am going to self-diagnose and get back to you on that.  No you’re not.
Days 23-25 of the Maine Lockdown.
Three more notches in the 2x4. If you squint when you look at the 2x4 it looks a little like Richard Nixon.
A few rambling random thoughts…..
Have any of you forgotten what day it is?  I had no idea Patriots Day had come and gone or what is usually you get extra time to file your taxes day in Maine in Massachusetts.  The only significance of Patriots Day this year is no Boston Marathon and no early Red Sox game, oh and there’s a pandemic going on.
I have to say that Nancy Pelosi was styling in her silk handkerchief she wore for a facemask.  Nancy, it is more about safety than style, but she’s got a foot in the grave anyway.
I would say the blame game is on full display right now.  Trump and the republicans did not act quickly enough and the democrats criticized every step they took as being too late or too soon.  It is like when your window gets broken and all of your kids deny it and accuse the other kids.  At the end of the day the window is still broken and it is raining outside.  It just needs to be fixed no matter whose fault it is.  If you think about it we spend our entire lives trying to avoid taking tests and now all people want to do is take a test.  Go figure.
Do you think Nora O’Donnell says “breaking news”  when she breaks wind?  Everything, and I mean everything, is breaking news with that woman.
I have lots of time to read the paper now.  Do you read the obituaries?  First of all who decides on what picture to use?  Some of the pictures are from 50 years ago.  Who are they fooling?  I think people should use a picture as close to when they die as possible (or after they die) because that is the image most of us remember.  Maybe a chalk outline would be appropriate in some instances.  Obituaries also always make the decedent seem saintly.  I would love to read one that says that Mr. Smith was a dink to everyone he ever met or Mrs. Jones drank too much and could not help but be a bitch most of the time.  I’ve got some time, I am going to write mine now and be as honest as I can be while still being brief because I swear obituary fees are the only things keeping papers afloat. 
Why to people wear PPE masks while driving in their cars alone?  That’s like putting on a football helmet and sitting in the middle of the football field all by yourself.  If you say better safe than sorry I think the answer is that it is just sorry.
While I am anxious to play golf and to otherwise have a return to normalcy, we have to wonder what the new normal will be.  When will we be able to meet again as a group, in person, and when will we really be comfortable in doing so?  Will waiters and waitresses have to wear personal protection equipment for the indefinite future?  When will shopping not entail guessing on a size and color or hoping that the part will work?  Will we stay 6 feet apart forever?  How big will king size beds become? 
I think I have the same cash in my pocket that has been there for a month.  Now some of you would suggest that that is not unusual for me, and you might be right, but I would not mind circulating in some new cash inventory from time to time. 
Vincent Van Gogh once said: “Normality is a paved road: It’s comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it.”  I’ll take a paved road right now and let the flowers come later.  Perhaps this quote from William James captures where we are the best.  He (I have no idea who he is) said: “To study the abnormal is the best way of understanding the normal.”  If we reflect on the coronavirus pandemic world we can better appreciate and perhaps even better understand the world pre and post-pandemic.
Apparently, the sale of alcohol is way up.  What else do we have to do?