Day 15 of the Maine Lockdown.
One more notch in the 2x4. Starting to look like a totem pole, wait can I say totem pole?
I saw this quote this morning and thought I would share:
“Went to this restaurant call THE KITCHEN.  You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal.  I have no clue how this place is still in business.”
I am sure that if you are watching sports on TV you now know that Tiger Woods won the 2019 Masters again.  The Patriots won the 2019 Super Bowl again and Tom Brady is still going to play for Tampa Bay.  It is reassuring to know that no matter how many times they replay an event the results are still the same.  I am hoping they will eventually invent a television that allows us to alter the results of events on TV.  If I had that power Big Bang Theory would still be making new episodes and the Red Sox would have won the 2019 World Series for back to back world championships.  Okay, the second one is an extreme stretch, but the Washington Nationals, come on!
On Sunday, ESPN was actually showing the 1997 National Spelling Bee.  A freakin’  spelling bee on ESPN.  Stuart Scott would be rolling over in his grave after a contestant failed to spell “Boo Yah”  correctly.
I checked out the TMZ show about the Tiger King.  The notoriety of the Tiger King is proof positive that America does not do well in lockdown, and collectively we are losing our minds.  Sure, after the fact it is easy to question whether the country should have started imposing social distancing requirements sooner, but I feel Americans resist such impositions on their freedom with all of their might and when their freedom is limited they react by starting to do things like hoarding toilet paper and watching the Tiger King.  New Hampshire is changing its license plates to “Live Free of Charmin” and Patrick Henry’s famous quote has to be changes to “Give me liberty or give me the Tiger King!” 
Hang in their Rotarians, spring reruns are coming and guess what they come out the same way.
Days 16-19 of the Maine Lockdown.
Four more notches in the 2x4. I told Holly we have carpenter ants.
I don’t know about you but my hands are as dry as Denis Elie’s sense of humor.  An armadillo would not let me pat it.  Okay, don’t ask me where I found an armadillo in Maine.  I have washed my hands and sanitized so much that there is no moisturizer on earth that will help.  I really hate that I wrote that last sentence.  What is happening to me?
While we are in lockdown don’t let it lockdown your common sense.  The following is an absolutely true story.  A woman received a call from what she thought was the Westbrook police. They told her they had arrested her grandson and she needed to bail him out. So far I can only tell you that cops don’t call anyone to have them come bail someone out, that is the arrestee’s responsibility, but I will let that part go. 
The alleged  police officer told the lady to go to Lowe’s and buy $5,000.00 worth of gift cards and then bring them to an address and they would let her grandson go.  Maybe the Westbrook police are building something.  I am surprised they didn’t ask her for a truckload of plywood.  Granny heads right over to Lowe’s with $5,000 in cash and indicates that she wants to buy $5,000.00 worth of gift cards.  Well thank God for the pandemic because that meant one of the three workers usually in a Lowe’s store was available to wait on her, and they questioned why she needed so many gift cards. I suspect that employee has since been fired.  In any event, the employee called the Westbrook police, they confirmed that they are not putting an addition on the station, and therefore it must be a scam.  No shit.  Actually I am trying to get the lady’s name because I have time on my hands and have a few home improvement projects to tackle. 
In reality there are a number of scams out there so please make sure that you and any of your elderly friends (Don Pilon be aware) do not fall victim.  We all have time to kill so why not click on the link from that Nigerian Prince or Princess?
If any of you do have elderly parents or grandparents check in on them from time to time.  I set my mother up with one of those hamster water bottles so I don’t have to go down there too often.  She refused to get in the giant exercise wheel I got her, but she likes the saw dust I spread in her living room.  I cannot imagine having a parent or a grandparent in a nursing home right now.  This is one of the few times I am happy my Dad has passed.  My father was the king of handshaking and I am afraid he would not understand that shaking hands is simply something we cannot do right now and may never do again.  What will we replace handshaking with?  Butt sniffing like dogs?  A subtle nod like our club members who used to sit at the cool table?  Greeting cards you can hand out at the end of a stick (good for the paper industry which will have to stop making toilet paper for two years since people have hoarded so much)?  Perhaps buzzing people you meet on the street with your own personal drone which constantly flies over your head?  Maybe just waving from 6-10 feet away will become the norm.  That will cut down on the spread of lots of diseases including STDs, but it will also have a dramatic impact on the world’s population if people aren’t touching each other.  I guess if we don’t wave we can always text each other when we walk by, hell people do that now so it will not be a big adjustment.
Again, thank God my Dad is not around to live through this insanity.  Take care folks and if you think you see light at the end of the tunnel it might really be a train.
Days 20-22 of the Maine Lockdown.
Three more notches in the 2x4. I think I am developing carpal tunnel syndrome from all the notching, or at least I think that’s why my wrist hurts.
I certainly hope that all of you who wanted to get a Paycheck Protection Program (“PPP”) loan were able to get one.  A few fun PPP facts.  The SBA approved 1,066,000 loans with about 60% of those coming from community banks.  4,975 lenders participated.  The average size loan was $206,000.00, but 74% of the loans were for under $150,000.00.  The construction sector led the way with 13.12% of the loans which is interesting because that sector is not necessarily shut down.  The professional, scientific and technical services sector (again not shut down) received 12.65% of the loans; manufacturing 12.65% (again still operating) and health care and social assistance (clearly operating) receive 11.65% of the loans.  I certainly hope it will help, but only time will tell.
I spent part of my weekend rebuilding my daughter’s chicken coop which including wrangling 23  young chickens and one dick head rooster who is doomed to be barbecued once he is big enough.  We had to remove them from the coop so the hammering and sawing would not give them heart attacks.  We moved them into a temporary pen and the rooster immediately escaped resulting in a mad scramble to capture the little bastard.  Frankly, I would have let him go.  I am hoping that having 24 grand-chickens will be good training for grandchildren, but then again I just advocating barbecuing one of my grand-chickens so maybe I am not ready to be a grandfather yet.
Brian Dallaire circulated the Bideford, England February Club Bulletin.  Take a look at it.  They donated funds to the Seashore Trust and the Australian Bush Fire Fund (I am guessing they still think Australia is part of the British empire).  The pounds came from their Club Quiz and Frugal Lunch.  I have to know what those are.  Brian D, can you find out?    I love that fact that their weekend in Gloucester was cancelled due to a lack of interest.  Apparently Covid-19 had nothing to do with it.  I also love that fact “Jill passed around two boards”. I am imaging 1x10s six feet long for social distancing, but I am not sure.  One was for “Moirag on her Night Walk.”  I am not sure about Moirag, but if she is raising money on Night Walks then some of our members are going to have to step it up a little.  Lucie Kay, head out each evening in Hills Beach and see if you can raise a little money.  Lucie, it’s for the children.  Apparently they still donate dictionaries in England.  Perhaps we should do a fundraiser to send England some computers or money to expand their broadband so they too can look up anything they want on the web.
They were told to put the Water Festival in their diaries.  I don’t know about you but I put things in my diary that I have already done.  No wonder they lost the Revolutionary War.  Water Festival?  I am guessing that is when the water board a bunch of Kiwanis Club members.  Jill already has the boards.  They also reported the crocuses in the Heywood roundabout which made me feel so inadequate because I have not been updating you on vegetation developments here.  For those of you who care, there are millions of daffodils in bloom in the Laurel Hill cemetery, but of course that is a non-essential trip, but I won’t tell.  There I feel much better now and I will continue to keep you posted on our flora and fauna. 
Our days are currently as long as they will be in late August, but sometimes they seem much longer than that.  I look forward to passing a board or two when we meet again.
Stay safe and keep laughing.