INCONTROVERTIBLE UNIVERSAL LAWS
WE DON'T BELIEVE THESE LAWS AT FIRST, BUT I AM SURE YOU WILL HAVE FOUND SOME OF THEM (AT LEAST) TO BE TRUE BASED ON YOUR ACTUAL EXPERIENCES.
Law of Mechanical Repair After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will to itch and you'll have to pee.
Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
Variation Law -If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theatre & Sports Arena - at any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
Law of Logical Argument -Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the paediatrician.
During our monthly Club Committee day our members were asked to pitch in and do "conference therapy" - the stripping of small lanyard plastic sleeves and the attachment of large plastic sleeves. It was table against table to see the neatest correct entries achieved in record time - although there was a bit of difference to how table members decided to poke out the holes and then pass to the next person to attach the lanyard. Ain't diversity great! (Photo of newest (returned) member Miriam Silva and DG John Campbell in foreground tackling the intricacies of lanyard production; photo provided by Katina Jones.)
It's just three weeks to DG John's Conference in Port Lincoln. Registrations are still open for the Conference so come along and help us achieve a smooth flowing event that can be enjoyed by the 300+ attendees. The Conference Committee has put together a great line up of speakers and the beauty of Boston Bay and the lovely seaside breezes will reinvigorate you. It's a pleasant drive around coastal South Australia to our destination - come and help us "Light Up Lincoln".