The week according to Bill

 

Rotary Tack – October 5, 2016,

 

           

Hey, we have to write the Tack this month.  Geez, stop with the references to “we” do you really want them to know that we are schizophrenic?  Hey, as long as they don’t think we are crazy like Lucie Kay, I don’t care.  Good point, but let’s get on with it.

 

            How do you like how she opens the meeting?  She usually just blasts into the Pledge of Allegiance and hopes we’re listening.  Hey, this time she actually asked us to join her in the pledge.  Sure, but she said it with a big sigh like it was such a pain in the ass. No, I think she was just pissed because she had on her purple Hillary pants suit.  No, man, that is her tribute to Prince pants suit.  I told you that.  Enough with the Prince tributes.

 

            What kind of prescription does Brian Dallaire take before he gives those Rotary Foundation minutes?  I don’t know but we should give some to Lucie.  Does the District seriously think they are going to get 100 new donors to give at least $10,000.00 this year to the Foundation.  That is a lot of cake.  You in?  I figured you and I could split a $100.00 donation and we would be doing pretty well.  Hey, if anyone wants to part with 10 grand let Dallaire know and he can get really excited, but wait awhile because the dude is off to Iceland for a wedding.  I thought he was already married.  Please keep up.

 

            Do you think Kristen Lane practiced the 4 way test all week before doing it?  No, she just practiced counting.  She’s an accountant dumb ass.  Have you ever heard Dana Lane do the 4 way test? Yeah, good point.

 

            How bout that invocation by Pierre Giroux?  Clearly a religious man.  What, he paused so long he was praying for a prayer to come to him.  He paused so long Ray Demers was able to send out 4 more texts.

 

            Speaking of Demers and the Mayor, Ron Michaud, did you check out those attempts at beards.  ZZ Top has nothing to worry about.  They looked like a couple of extras from a saloon scene in an old western.  Yeah, and the mayor was the poor bastard who gets shot and flies through the front window of the saloon.  I guess they are raising money for some charity.  I think the club should donate money so they’ll shave.

 

            Did you see that dress Karen Chasse had on?  I think she was a barber shop pole.  No, Fausto was right, she was the Cat in the Hat.  One stripe, two stripe, red stripe, white stripe.  Should have been black and orange and then I would have gotten it.

 

            Lucie Kay had one or her more lucid moments (nice!) and announced some anniversaries in the club.  Karen Chasse has been in the club 16 years.  Yeah, one year for each stripe on her dress like the America flag.  James Audiffred has been in the club for 34 years.  Seems longer to me.  Boy, did he give the mayor crap about his real estate taxes or what?  Hey, Jim is pretty much on a fixed income and makes cookies for a living.  He has to count the pennies.  Sure, but if he thinks taxes are going down he’s crazier than I thought.  I don’t think Jim can be any crazier than I think he is.  I hear Dana Lane has been in the club for 16 years. Yeah, but if you take out the 16 tax seasons he is really been in the club 12 years.  They also said Rob Moody has been in the club 6 years.  Man is that guy quiet.  I don’t think he has said 6 words in those 6 years. No I remember his prayers, they’re pretty long and much smoother than Pierre’s.  Hell, Ray Demer’s face is a lot smoother than Pierre’s prayer.

 

            Were you paying attention during the meeting.  Huh?  Never mind.  There were a few announcements.  The Board approved financing a paver for the YCCC fundraiser in the name of the club and our Dad, A. William Kany, Jr.  Nice touch, but why Dad?  He started YCCC you idiot.  No he started the York County Technical College.  You are a moron.

 

            Remember we are collecting food on October 29.  Yeah, I am going to be at Market Basket and you’re going to be at Hannaford in Biddeford.  At the same time?  I think so.  This I have got to see.  We are going to be there all day stuffing the food pantry trucks.  If anyone didn’t sign up see Bernice.

 

            You know Bernice just had a huge birthday.  We really should not mention her age.  It was a big milestone.  I will give you a hint, she was not 50 and she was not 70.  So she turned 59.  Sure for the second time.

 

            We got our raffle tickets again.  Do you want to buy one from me?  Hell, I have my own to sell.  I know, but just get them done and back in or Earl will be all over your ass.  Now I get it, there were 250 stripes on Karen’s dress, one for each ticket that needs to be sold.  That’s how she keeps track of the sales.  Brilliant!  Don’t forget to put on our calendar that the raffle party is on Nov. 17 at Duffy’s.  You going?  Yeah, I think so how about you?  Not sure yet. 

 

            Jim Godbout said he thinks the Rotary house will be marketable by May of 2017.  Sure, if Jacques gets off his ass and fixes the title it will be marketable.  We’re doomed.

 

            Did you see those sergeants at arms?  Yeah, do you think they prepare before they get up there or do they just wing it?  Hey, Fausto had the good Dr. Suess line, back off.  Simmons, I swear there should be a D in his name.  Why because that’s what he got for grades in school?  No, never mind, but the guy is zombie-esc up there.  We need to bring him back to life somehow.  Hey he fines your ass every week.  Yeah and he’s so imaginative when he does it. 

 

            Did you check out those happy dollars.  Sure Dallaire is going to Iceland, freaking Jeremy Ray went to the Ryder Cup (his wife must have a really good job!), Fausto bought a Mexican hat for his Chihuahua (not going to lie to you I had to look up how to spell that and I Googled it under “useless dogs”)  and Conrad Welzel is excited about getting more abuse about the new York toll barrier.  Man, do we live sheltered lives!

 

            Lucie Kay “eloquently” read the welcome speech for Bronwyn Potthoff.  Christ, we wrote that for her, that least she could do was use a little inflection in her voice.  I thought I was listening to Hillary.  Hey, she had the pants suit on.  What kind of name is Bronwyn Potthoff.  I think it is the combination of a James Bond actor and someone from Hogwarts.  What?  Do you think she’s pregnant?  I’m not sure but remember don’t say anything in case we’re wrong.

            Did you listen to Mayor Michaud?  Who? The mayor of Saco.  Was he there?  Yeah, he gave us a 30 minute ad about Saco during which City government took credit for everything including finding a cure for Zika.  The redevelopment of Building 4,  the city did it.  Unitil expansion, the City again.  Biddeford Saco Water Company improvements, you guessed it, the City.  Parades, flags, old cars, art shows.  Now wait a minute, I thought the Main Street Saco organization did that.  No, it was the City.  Riverjam, Pumpkin Fest, Holiday Festival, eradication of polio, you guessed it again, the City of Saco. 

 

            Now I will admit that the City is working to separate the dump from its athletic fields.  Seems like a good idea.  Yes, but didn’t anyone notice the issue before they put the two of them side by each?  Hey, don’t steal his thunder now.  But they are going to fix the traffic in Pepperell Square.  Sure, but he didn’t mention the daily cluster on the Industrial Park Road that makes everyone leaving Saco late while those precious Poland Springs trucks can roll through.  Yes, but we do love our bottled water. 

 

Clearly there is a lot going on in Saco and we’re going to pay for all of it.  So keep up the good work Mayor and just let us know how much money to send in and when.  We all want to make sure we are an age friendly community to go along with our non-functioning windmill and a jetty which will not be built in our lifetime and which we will need to take care of (how much work is it to take care of a pile of rocks?) and which will be like trying to hold back the ocean with a broom.  Hey, but don’t worry they have done studies and our taxes are in line with other communities like ours. Oh, okay I feel better now.

 

Hey, have a great week and you do the same.  I am going to go out and shop for a shirt with horizontal red and white stripes.  You coming?  Sure.