RIGHTIES AND LEFTIES
PP Clay Fell's invocation was a tribute to opening day. This is my tribute to the most enigmatic of creatures, the crafty lefty.
The Path to the Dugout
by Rob Vogt
by Rob Vogt
Right-handers are power pitchers.
They come from Texas, raised on beef
and christened with names like Nolan and Roger.
They come from Texas, raised on beef
and christened with names like Nolan and Roger.
Left-handers are crafty southpaws.
No one knows exactly where they come from,
but they do strange things in the clubhouse,
like reading books in front of their lockers.
No one knows exactly where they come from,
but they do strange things in the clubhouse,
like reading books in front of their lockers.
Right-handers pitch until their arms fall off,
or until they can no longer make it out of the seventh inning
without assistance from a sub-species known as a relief pitcher.
or until they can no longer make it out of the seventh inning
without assistance from a sub-species known as a relief pitcher.
Left-handers pitch into their early forties,
or until they are offered jobs in the broadcast booth.
or until they are offered jobs in the broadcast booth.
Right-handers throw 95-mph fastballs
at disrespectful, plate-hugging batters,
the baseballs connecting with a painful thud,
their seams leaving tiny, red bite marks
on hitters’ barely-covered flesh.
at disrespectful, plate-hugging batters,
the baseballs connecting with a painful thud,
their seams leaving tiny, red bite marks
on hitters’ barely-covered flesh.
Left-handers nibble around the plate,
Lulling batters to sleep,
luring umpires into expanded strike zones.
Lulling batters to sleep,
luring umpires into expanded strike zones.
Right-handers storm off the mound
at the end of an inning, pumping their fists –
cursing,
spitting,
glaring.
at the end of an inning, pumping their fists –
cursing,
spitting,
glaring.
Left-handers curlicue called strike threes
around the outside corner and walk off the field quietly,
their eyes focused on the path to the dugout
and nothing more.
around the outside corner and walk off the field quietly,
their eyes focused on the path to the dugout
and nothing more.