I went for a run the other day but came back after 2 minutes as I forgot something!
I forgot I was fat and can’t run.
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Note on the Fridge –
Hey Sweetie, I’m at work.
Dinner is on the stove, you only have to light it, the gas is already on.
Love you x x x
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A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Harold stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Harold?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'
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The math teacher saw that Harold wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Harold! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Harold quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
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Harold's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Harold asked, “Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "
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A father and his son arrive at a football game but the dad can’t find the tickets.
“Nip home and see if I left the tickets there,” the dad says to the son.
“No problem, Dad.”
The boy races home leaving the dad waiting at the game. Half an hour later the boy returns to his dad who is patiently waiting outside the stadium.
The dad asks: “Did you find them?”
The boy responds: “Yep, they’re on the kitchen table where you left them.”
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A husband and wife were sitting together having their morning coffee.
The husband asked: “Honey, you always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?”
“When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears,” the wife answered.
“You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?”
“Yes,” the wife said. “I see your picture and say to myself: ‘What other problem can there be greater than this one?'”
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A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a dalmatian dog.
The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," offered one child.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs” she said firmly “to find the fire hydrants."
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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE." Startled the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another. Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
She stopped, looked skyward and said, "Is that you Lord?" The voice replied, "No ... this is the Ice-Rink Manager!!.
