“I’m having some people over later to stare at their phones later if you want to come by…”
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Ask any man, and he will tell you that any woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.
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Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
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An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anaesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me ...
your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."
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A lady went into a bar out the back of Bourke and saw a jackaroo with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the jackaroo if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed. The jackaroo grinned and said, " Why don't you come out to the sleepout and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 Blushing, he said, "Well, thanks Love. I'm flattered. Nobody has ever paid me for services before." "Don't be flattered."
Said the woman. "Just take the money and put it towards some boots that fit."
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A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
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It was Saturday night and the preacher still hadn't been able to think of a sermon for the next morning. About 9:00 p.m. he finally said to his wife, "Dear, I think I've come up with the perfect sermon! I'm going to give a sermon about horseback riding!"
She said, "Don't be silly! You can't give a sermon about horseback riding!" He replied, "Well, it's going to have to do because I've preached on just about every other subject I can think of." The next morning as they were driving to church, she said, "I can't believe that you're insisting on doing this! You know, if you're going to give that silly sermon on horseback riding, I'm just going to stay in the car during the service." He said, "OK, then, suit yourself!", so she stayed in the car. !
Entering church before the service, the preacher had a sudden inspiration and gave a hellfire and brimstone sermon on S,E.X that just had the congregation in awe. As the congregation filed out of the church, some of the members saw his wife sitting in the car and approached her window. One of them said, "Wow! You just missed the best sermon you husband has ever given!"
She said, "Yeah, right! What does he know about it! He talks big but he's only tried it twice in his life! "Once before we were married and once after, and he fell off both times!"
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