In the old days excessive use of commas was considered to be
a serious crime...usually resulting in long sentences.
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The phone bill was exceptionally high so the husband called a family
meeting to discuss the issue.
Dad: “This is unacceptable. I don't use the home phone, I use my work
phone.”
Mum: “Me too. I hardly use our home phone. I use my company's
phone.”
Son: “I always use my office mobile, I never touch the home phone.”
All of them were shocked and together looked at the maid who was
patiently listening to them.
Finally the maid said, "Why are you all looking at me? So we all use
our work phones. What's the big deal??”
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Just an addition to the collective noun for the ladies of the night --- A firm of solicitors.
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I wish my siblings would stop calling me "spoiled" just because I'm the baby
of the family. The fact is, my parents kept having children until they found one they liked. It is so not my issue.
My wife is blaming me for ruining her Birthday. That's ridiculous,
I didn't even know it was her Birthday
To everyone that received a book from me for Christmas, they're due back at the library next friday. Thank you.
When I was still going to primary school, The Teacher pointed a Ruler at me
and said "there is an idiot at the End of this Ruler". So i Asked "Which End?"
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One afternoon my mother went shopping and returned a few hours later with ten new dresses. "Ten!" Dad hollered. "What could any woman possibly want with ten new dresses?"
Mom replied in a calm voice: "Ten new pairs of shoes."
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The phone rang. It was a salesman from a mortgage refinance company. "Do you have a second mortgage on your home?"
"No," I replied.
"Would you like to consolidate all your debts?"
"I really don't have any," I said.
"How about freeing up cash for home improvements?" he tried.
"I don't need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash," I parried.
There was a brief silence, and then he asked, "Are you looking for a husband?"
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A frog walks into his local bank branch, asks for the loans officer. He goes in, sits on her desk, and sees shes called Patricia Whack. He asks her for a $50,000 loan to do a world cruise. She asks what security he has and he produces a 4 cm pink porcelain elephant and says his dad is Mick Jagger. She asks the manager for advice - he says
Its a nick nack Patty Whack
give the frog a loan
his old mans a Rolling Stone.
