A relative in his 50’s and who has two degrees asked us what we were watching on T.V. I told him it was the Winter Olympics. He then asked where it was being held. Does anyone NOT know?
But the next question had me speechless. As he looked at all the athletes skiing down the slope he asked, “Has that guy Bolt run yet?”
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A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.
"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.
Just then the doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. "Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes."
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During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self-defense.
After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, "What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a large, sharp knife?"
The student replied, "BIG ones."
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Haven't seen the Michelin man in a while.
Maybe he's re-tyred.
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Several of the Mensa members went out for lunch at a local café. When they sat down, one of them discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper, and their pepper shaker was full of salt.
How could they swap the contents of the two bottles without spilling any, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly, this was a job for Mensa minds.
The group debated the problem and presented ideas and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer.
They called the blonde waitress over ready to dazzle her with their solution. "Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker has pepper."
But before they could finish, the waitress interrupted: " Oh, sorry about that." She leaned over the table, unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.
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A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you."
"Oh, great," he said, "What is it?"
"It's called the door!"
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A small boy stunned his parents after church one Sunday when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes, and quarters.
Finally his mother asked the obvious question: "Where did you get all that money?"
"At Sunday school," the boy replied enthusiastically. "They got bowls of it!"
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A grandfather couldn't decide which jacket to buy for his granddaughter, so he asked the young salesman.
"If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend," the grandfather asked, "what would you get?"
"A bulletproof one," the salesman said. "I'm married."
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Two cows were standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"Why?? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
.jpg "President Ian Mc Kay & wife Sherril")
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