On a crowded train going to the football game, the fan resplendent in black and white colours had a large duck tucked under his arm.
Sitting directly opposite, at face level with the duck, was an old codger flaunting a scarf in the opposing team’s colours. “They won’t let you take a pig into the ground Ya know,” he said loudly.
‘It’s not a pig, it’s a duck ya burk,” said the fan in the black and white scarf.
“I wasn’t talking to you,” said the old codger.
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A friend quickly used a packet of hair dye to cover her greys before her new boyfriend arrived, but he seemed to only have eyes for her dog. He finally announced that he was sure the dog was black, yet now he had three ginger spots!
Being a smart lady, she guessed what must have happened. While her boyfriend was eating, she excused herself and had a quick peep into her laundry. Sure enough, the pup had pulled the towel she had around her neck when she was dying her hair out of the washing basket and had had a nap on it.
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In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner.
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.
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A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."
.jpg "President Ian Mc Kay & wife Sherril")
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