The other day, I went to this bar that I have been frequenting for a
number of years and I was stopped at the door. The guy said he couldn't
let me in.
When I asked why he said the bar had changed owners and they now
required that the gentlemen customers be wearing a tie.
After a few minutes of arguing, I realized that I needed to get a tie.
I got back to my car and look in the glove box and a bag of dirty
laundry in the back seat - no tie.
I checked under the seats and finally I look in the trunk ... all I see
is a pair of jumper cables. I think, "What the heck".
I tie the jumper cables around my neck and head back to the bar. When I
meet the guy at the door, I ask him, "OK - how's this?"
He says, "Well ... I guess that's OK - BUT DON'T START ANYTHING!"
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive.
So I took her to a gas station.
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My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have s*x?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
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Two weeks after Sally’s first great-grandchild was born, Sally ended up
with babysitting duty.
Her friend Martha came over for tea and asked to see the little cutie.
“Not yet,” Sally said.
A few minutes later, Martha asked again.
“Not yet,” Sally said.
“What on earth are you waiting for?”
“She has to start crying before you can see her,” said Sally.
“What? Why?”
“Because I forgot where I put her.”
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A 5th grade English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what
they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of
paper.
"Alec!" yelled the teacher, "you've done nothing. Why?"
"Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do!"
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After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the
shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go
out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for
free!' The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why
don't you go give it a try?' The blonde headed off to the swamp,
determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the young
woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. He saw a
huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes,
the blond took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery
bank.
Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up. The shopkeeper
watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the gator. Then,
rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration... "THIS ONE'S
BAREFOOT, TOO!"
.jpg "President Ian Mc Kay & wife Sherril")
