Hello! Gordon's Pizza?
No sir, it is Google Pizza.
So, I have the wrong number?
No sir, Google bought Gordon's Pizza.
Okay. Take my order please.
Well sir, you want the usual?
The usual? How do you know me?
According to your caller ID, the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheese, sausage, thick crust....
OK! OK! That's it.
Sir, may I suggest to you this time ricotta cheese, arugula with sun-dried tomatoes?
No, I hate vegetables.
But your cholesterol is high!
How do you know?
Through the Lab subscriber's guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
Okay, but I want my regular pizza, I already take medicine.
But sir, you have not taken your medicine regularly. Four months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network.
I bought more from another drugstore.
It is not showing on your credit card.
I paid in cash.
But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement.
I have other sources of cash.
This is not showing on your last Income-Tax return, unless you got it from an undeclared source.
WHAT THE HECK? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without Wi-Fi or internet. Where there are no cell phones or satellites to spy on me.
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport, as it expired 5 weeks ago!
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One day in the army I was assigned KP duty. I reported to the Mess Hall and was told by the sergeant in charge that he wanted me to make 100 gallons of soup for tonight's dinner. I told him I didn't know how to make soup. He handed me a book and told me to follow the directions carefully.
A couple hours later I had a large kettle of soup simmering. The sergeant came up and tasted the soup. He took a second spoonful and stood there staring at me. I thought I had really messed up the soup and was waiting for a reprimand.
Instead he said, "This tastes good... are you sure you followed the recipe?"
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A man on his Harley was riding along a Victorian beach road when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice,
God said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Tasmania so I can ride over anytime I want."
God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it,but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
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A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"
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Dewey was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To encourage him, his teacher said, "You'll know you're really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French."
Dewey ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!"
"Great!" said the teacher; "what were they saying?"
"I don't know," Dewey replied; "I couldn't understand a word they were saying."
.jpg "President Ian Mc Kay & wife Sherril")
