Some toothbrush jokes
For past 10 years my wife has been complaining to me about not putting the cap back on the toothpaste. On our anniversary, I decided to change this bad habit and make my wife happy.
For a week I was diligent, always capping the toothpaste. I was expecting my wife to thank me, but she never did it.
Finally, last night she turned and looked at me and said, “Why did you stop brushing your teeth?!”
I bought a new ‘extra sensitive’ toothpaste the other day.
It’s doesn’t work any better. It just sits in the shower and cries.
I call my toothpaste ‘Death’ …
… Then I tell people, “I had a brush with Death this morning.”
Someone broke into my house last night.
They took all my soap, shampoo, deodorant and toothpaste. They made a clean getaway.
--------------------------------------------
Some interesting thoughts
I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: "That's the last thing I need!"
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu - you get what you deserve.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.
What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A maybe.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today?
I don't know and don't really care.
The guy who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize
I used to think I was indecisive; now I'm not so sure.
Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I do it with my eyes closed.
--------------------------------------------
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our
usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the
'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment!'
My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!' Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her T-shirt
still around her neck. Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, 'What
was that all about?'
She explained, 'The egg timer's broken'
--------------------------------------------
A man was relaxing on the sofa watching TV when he heard
his wife's' voice in the kitchen. "What would you like
for dinner, sweetie? Do you want chicken, beef or lamb?"
Surprised, he answered, "Thanks! I'd like chicken."
"You're having soup,drongo. I was talking to the cat."
--------------------------------------------
Two guys are being chased by a bear, when one stops to
put on his sneakers.
The other guy yells, "You idiot, you can't outrun a bear."
The first guy gasps, "I don't have to outrun a bear - I just have to outrun you."
--------------------------------------------
From Roxanne
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
