If a lawyer can be disbarred, can a musician be denoted or a model deposed?
Did you hear about the woman who became a lifeguard to keep the buoys in line?
Why couldn’t the woman get a job at the Post Office?
It was a mail-dominated profession.
Hear about the redundant shepherd? He felt ewes less
The stripper quit her job because she couldn’t bare it.
Masseuses always knead new clients.
What happened when the glassblower inhaled?
He got a pane in the stomach.
There was a terrible body count when the Customers fell through the mezzanine at the new shopping centre. Apparently it was due to a builder’s fatal floor.
Do lawyers refer to their homes as legal pads?
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A sign says, “Feed the elephant a bun to get your age”
The little boy gives the elephant a bun and it stomps it’s foot 6 times.
“Wow” says the boy, “That’s right I am 6, you have a go dad!”
The Irish chap gives the elephant a bun...
A moment later the elephant farts and stomps twice...
“Bajaysus that’s right” said the father, “I am farty two!”
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A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him.
He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"
The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, Son."
The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breathe underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, Son."
A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"
Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, Son."
Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"
"Of course not, Son. If you don't ask questions, you'll remain ignorant and never learn anything."
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The High Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Canberra this Christmas season.
This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capital. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.
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After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"
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The first surgeon says, "I like to see electricians on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is color coded."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try librarians! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think accountants are the best; everything inside them is numbered."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."
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Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have anorder of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
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