A trombone player and an accordion player are playing a New Year’s Eve gig at a local club. The place is packed and everybody is absolutely
loving the music. Shortly after midnight, the club owner comes up to the
duo and says, “You guys sound great. Everybody loves you…I’d like to know if the two of you are free to come back here next New Year’s Eve to play?”
The two musicians look at each other and then at the club owner… and the trombone player says “Sure … we’d love to… is it OK if we leave our stuff here?”
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A blonde gets home from work early and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" she asks.
"I think I'm having a heart attack," cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son comes up and says, "Mummy, Mummy, Aunty Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe and she has no clothes on."
The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom right past her husband, rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
"You rotten B*tch," she screams. "My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked playing hide and seek with the kids!"
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Mary and her friend Jill are sitting by themselves in a bar having a drink. Mary says, "Jill, did you notice there are two guys sitting alone at the bar over there?"
"So?" Jill asks.
"Well, we're two women sitting alone over here at a table, and there are two men sitting alone at the bar. What do you think that adds up to?"
Jill shrugs her shoulders, "Four losers?"
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A man in a bar falls and breaks his lower denture. The man next to him pulls out several sets from his pocket and, after trying a few ,the victim finds a perfect fit. “Are you a dentist?” he asks. No! comes the reply: I’m an undertaker.
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A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears:
'You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
You know what Martha?'
'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
'I'm beginning to think you're bad luck...'
.jpg "President Ian Mc Kay & wife Sherril")
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