Knock, knock, Who's there?
Iguana, Iguana who?
Iguana hold your hand.
Knock, knock, Who's there?
Euripides, Euripides who?
Euripides jeans, you pay for ‘em!
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Apparently his Holiness the Pope is visiting Liverpool practicing miracle work.
Young Billy from Bootle walks onto the specially prepared stage and says, "Can you help me with my hearing?"
The Pope says he could and gently places both his hands on the young fellows ears and prays.
On conclusion His Holiness enquiries, "Hows your hearing now?"
Billy says, " I don't know it's not until next Wednesday!"
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I’m a long time subscriber and sharer, but think I’ve only submitted one joke before; so……
The one about the guy going to his shrink about a car reminded me of the guy who goes to the shrink and says
“Doctor, one night I dream I’m a teepee , and the next night I dream I’m a marquee “
“Oh” said the doctor - “You’re just two tents”…
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I called 999 for an ambulance today.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the operator.
"I stumped my toe on the coffee table." I replied.
"And you want an ambulance for that?" he laughed.
I said, "No, it's for my husband he shouldn't have laughed."
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A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him.' Father, I have a problem.
I have just bought a female parrot
But she seems to know only to say one thing.'
'What does she say?' the priest inquired. She says, 'Hi, I'm a hooker! Do you want to have some fun?'
That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,
Then he thought for a moment. 'You know,' he said,
'I may have a solution to your problem.
I have two male talking parrots,
Which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your parrot over to my house,
And we'll put it the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrot to praise and worship, we should fix your parrot . . In no time.'
Thank you,' the woman responded,
The next day, She brought her parrot to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in, She saw that his two male parrots
Were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, She walked over and placed her parrot in with them.
After a few minutes,
The female parrot cried out: “Hi, I'm a hooker! Do you want to have some fun?'
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot
And exclaimed, 'Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!”
