A couple were attending their first pre-natal class. So that the husband could get an idea of what it felt like to be pregnant, the instructor strapped a bag of sand to his stomach.
As he walked around with his new bulge, the husband said: “This doesn’t feel too bad.”
Then the instructor deliberately dropped a pen and said to the husband: “Now I want you to pick up that pen as if you were pregnant.”
“You want me to do it the way my wife would?” confirmed the husband.
“Exactly the same,” said the instructor.
The husband turned to his wife and said: “Honey, pick up that pen for me.”
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At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a year-long research project in India.
One co-worker's quip, however, stopped me short. "What is it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?"
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Night after night, a keen ornithologist stood in his backyard hooting like an owl. After weeks of getting no reply, he suddenly heard an owl hoot back at him. He was overjoyed at the response and for the next nine months man and bird kept up a regular dialogue of hooting. He was fascinated by his ability to relate to a wild creature and kept a detailed record of all their conversations.
Just when he was about to take his findings to the Natural History Society, his wife happened to be talking to a neighbour who lived four doors away.
“My husband spends his night calling to owls,” she confided.
“That’s funny,” said the neighbour. “So does mine!”
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Will glass coffins prove popular? Remains to be seen.
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In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking.
"Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?"
I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, "How do you spell 'intellectual?'"
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Q. What is green and sings?
A. Elvis Parsley.
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A noted Swami from India was requested as the evening's speaker at a certain event. Always on his right and left, in any public appearance, were two 500 pound bodyguards. Both men were all-muscle. When Swami addressed a crowd, the big dudes were (usually) just feet away from The Swami.
That very evening, the Swami had not yet been speaking for 5 minutes, when he was interrupted by a rude heckler, up in the cheap seats, just ribbing him right and left. A few more minutes of this, and The Swami was becoming irritated. So he paused for a second, told the crowd "One Moment, Please," and The Swami and Guards were whispering to each other. With that, the bodyguards made a sauntering beeline for the cheap seats, with the heckler rattling on with more insults.
Swami kept speaking, and once the big dudes arrived at the cheap-seats, they BOTH sat down: ... directly on top of the mouthy heckler!!! Got verrry quiet up there! At the end of the speech, they returned to the lectern and the waiting Swami, who was now signing autographs.
One person asked, "Your Excellency, what on earth did you whisper to your bodyguards?" And the Swami started SINGING his answer! -- "Weigh Down Upon The Swami Ribber"
.jpg "President Ian Mc Kay & wife Sherril")
