concerning the union of the bride and groom.
Utter silence was broken when a beautiful young woman carrying a child stood up.
She starts walking slowly towards the priest.
The congregation was aghast - you could almost hear a pin drop.
The groom's jaw dropped as he stared in disbelief at the approaching young woman and child.
Chaos ensued as the bride threw the bouquet into the air and burst out crying.
Then the groom's mother fainted.
The best men started giving each other looks and wondering how to save the situation.
The priest asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?"
There was absolute silence in the church as the woman replied, "We can't hear you in the back."
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More groaners...
Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I miss her still.
What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk,
and the result was staggering.
Just so everyone is clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
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There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up
next to me, grabs my drink, and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?", he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me.
When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance.
I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me."
"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink,
I drop a capsule in, and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up
and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?”
