JEST JOKIN'

Maxine on "Driver Safety" -  "I can not use the cell phone in the car.  I have to keep my hands free for making gestures."

Maxine on "Lawn Care" - "The key to a nice looking lawn is a good mower.  I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless."

Maxine on "The Perfect Man" -- "All I'm looking for is a guy who will do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away.  Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed."

Maxine on "Technology Revolution" -- "My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice."

Maxine on "Aging"  -- "Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a Margarita

"The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket."

"Do you realize that in about forty years, we'll have millions of old ladies running around with tattoos and pierced navels?"

"Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than a Kia."

"After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching somewhere ... you may be dead."