GOOGLE:    No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER:     OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:     Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:   My usual? Do you know me?

GOOGLE:    According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three kinds of cheese, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER:     Super! That’s what I’ll have.

GOOGLE:  May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER:    What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!

GOOGLE:   Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:   How the hell do you know that?

GOOGLE:   Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:  Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza!  I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE:   Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.  According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.

CALLER:    I bought more from another Pharmacy.

GOOGLE:    That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER:  I paid in cash.

GOOGLE:    But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER:    I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE:  That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!

CALLER:     WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE:   I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER:    Enough already!  I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, and all the others.  I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE:     I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...

Welcome to the future!

Did you enjoy the Australian Open Tennis this year?

Check this out (From The Onion)

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA—

Calling tournament organizers tone-deaf for their scheduling of the semifinal matchup, critics slammed the Australian Open Wednesday for pitting Serena Williams and Naomi Osaka against each other during Black History Month.

“We expected tournament organizers to make efforts to lift up all Black women instead of tearing one of them down,” said WTA Tour fan Cheryl Landry, reprimanding the major championship for deciding against celebrating both Williams and Osaka.

“We have two worthy champions here, and instead of crowning them both, we’re casting them against each other. It’s just a shame. Young girls are going to see this and watch one of their icons lose—it could be potentially traumatizing.”

At press time, the Australian Open responded to criticism by opting to play the remaining tournament matches at Arthur Ashe stadium in New York.