Weekly Smile for this week

A man comes home to find his wife of 10 years packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!" The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing his bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1,000 a year!"

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

I am not allowed into Canada again. "Why?" 

I was coming back home from Canada, driving through Customs, and the guy asked, "Do you have any firearms with you?" I said: "What do you need?"

A guy tells his psychiatrist: ‘It was terrible. I was away on business, and I emailed my wife that I’d be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don’t get it. How could she do this to me?" "Well," says the psychiatrist. "Maybe she didn’t see the email."

A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, "please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back." And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says: "He had a new hat!" (Myron Cohen)

Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle. As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. "Turn the lake into beer," he says. The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer. He says to the other guy, "So what do you think?" The other guy says, "You jerk. Now we've got to piss in the boat."

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"

I failed my driver’s test. The guy asked me, "What do you do at a red light?" I said, I don’t know… look around, listen to the radio…

I know a guy who called up the Home Shopping Network. They said "Can I help you?" and he said "No, I'm just looking."

I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.(Phyllis Diller)

 I discovered that Canadian Security personnel have no sense of humour: At the airport they asked me if anybody I didn’t know gave me anything. I replied, "Even the people I know don’t give me anything."