Weekly Smile

 

Things Dad Will Never Say

  1. Well, how about that! I'm lost. Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.
  2. You know, pumpkin. Now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
  3.  I noticed that all your friends have a certain negative attitude. I like that!
  4.  Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car. Go crazy!
  5. What do you mean you want to play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
  6.  Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend. You might want to consider throwing a party.
  7.  Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies. You know, that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
  8. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring. Now, quit your belly aching and let's go to the mall.
  9.  What do you want to go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
  10.  Father's Day? Ah, don't worry about that. It's no big deal!

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was, which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. 

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub " 

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." 

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Dental Office

While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30 years ago. Upon seeing him, however I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. 

After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. 
"Yes," he replied. 

"When did you graduate?" I asked. 
He answered, "In 1964." 

"Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. 
He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"