A company had a vacancy for a job so they put a sign outside of their office saying: “Job Vacancy – apply within.
Applicants must be able to type at least 80 words per minute. Must be good at computers. Must be bilingual.”
After weeks of having no applicants, a dog walked into the office and much to the manager’s perplexity, pointed to the sign.
The manager said: “I like your interest but as much as I need someone to take this position,
I’m afraid you’re just not qualified enough for the job. You need to be able to type at least eighty words per minute and
I don’t see how that’s possible with your chubby paws.”
The dog, without a word, hopped onto a stool near the typewriter and miraculously typed just over a hundred words within the minute.
The manager was both surprised and confused but he proceeded to say:
“I’m sorry, I still can’t give you the job because you need to be good at computers.”
At this, the dog grabbed a keyboard and proceeded to hack into and shut down every security camera in the building.
The manager was dumbfounded but managed to say: “I’m sorry, but the final requirement is that you have to be bilingual.”
At this, the dog looked at him in the eye for a good minute and confidently said: “Meow.”
Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom
PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pjamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone
This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog.....
we laughed a lot.
Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal.
I have no clue how this place is still in business.
My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
Day 5 of Home schooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.
Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.
Link permanent..... 
