President Ian presided and led the Pledge. Greeter Cleo helped us recite the 4-Way Test and Lieutenant Dan sparked a rendition of God Bless America. John Rice gave the invocation — a particularly good one but must stick to word count limitations!
Guests and visiting Rotarians: Among those attending today was Christi Johnson, Yvonne’s work colleague. Former Rotarian Cousin Ritchie made a guest appearance. Barb Miller hosted two guests, Scott and Karen. Tricia brought co-worker Nancy Lee. Neal left his guest for later.
Turning to announcements, our next after-hours social gathering will be scheduled for some time in May. May also is book-drive month. Bring those good-conditioned books. Brandi reminded us about the upcoming annual Vocational Awards. Nomination sheets are on the tables. Please turn them in by May 1. This holds a special place in Brandi’s heart as she is a former recipient.
Eileen Joyce-Coute gave us a RYLA update. The students have raised $2,500. Currently eight candidates are vying for the funds. Eileen also discussed the annual golf tournament taking place June 12. So far, $12,050 in sponsorship money has been raised. Sponsorships, foursomes, and volunteers are needed. More prizes are needed as well. Gift cards are welcome. Places like Golf & Ski will provide $25 gift cards for free. Grill 28 gives out $28 gift cards for free as well. Please donate what you can.
Weekly business completed, Neal started off our annual Joke Day. There are four guys in a bar, and one has a completely flat head. Why? Well, as it turns out, a building was starting to collapse and our flat-head hero used his head to steady the building and save his friends’ lives. But why did he have bruises under his chin? Because that is where they put the jack. Haha!?
Yvonne told us a Polish joke — in Polish! No one other than Yvonne got the punch line. But if you want to get a gist, ask Flagg about the 10-inch pianist. You won’t be disappointed.
Steve Woods told a joke close to home. As everyone should know by now, former President Justin has quite the appetite. He never met a plate of food he wouldn’t devour. As the story goes, Ben and Justin go fishing and there is a two-seat outhouse at the location.
The next morning Ben goes to the outhouse. He opens the door and there is Justin with a fishing rod with a line down one of the seats.
“Hey, what are you doing in there Justin?” Ben inquires.
“I lost my Red Sox jacket down the hole,” says Justin. “I need to get it back. I left a donut in the pocket.” You may laugh now.
Roman provided another quick one. What did the hot dog say to the other hot dogs? “Hi, Frank!”
A New York lawyer goes duck hunting and shoots a duck. The duck falls onto a farmer’s land. The lawyer cuts into the fencing to go and retrieve the duck but gets caught by the farmer.
“Hey, this is my land, you’re trespassing!” the farmer says.
The lawyer explains that he must retrieve the duck he shot.
“I’ll tell you what,” the farmer replies. “Let’s have a contest, a nut-breaking contest. We’ll hit each other in the family jewels and whoever wins, gets the duck. I’ll go first.”
So, the farmer takes a bat, lines up the attorney, and takes a vicious cut, right on the money. The attorney falls and squirms on the ground in agony. After a while, he gets up and says, “My turn.”
The farmer replies, “Nah, you can have the duck.”
Resident comedian Ken Murphy stepped up. He told us that he has been married for 19 years but has a problem. His wife loves their dog more than him. There is a portrait of the dog in the front hallway. No pictures of Ken. She takes their dog everywhere. To improve his position, Ken reminds his wife that there are things he can do that the dog could never do. But then he realized that once she trains their dog to write checks, he’s screwed. THE END.
What do you call a bunch of baby sheep rolling down a hill? A lamb slide.
Cousin Ritchie introduced professional comedian Amy Tee. (Cousin Ritchie Productions celebrates its 50th anniversary this year.)
Let’s just say there were too many jokes and too little time to commit them to paper. Here are some highlights.
Boy, we had a lot of snow this winter. And for Amy, she was in her zone. Whether it was two inches or two hours, whichever came first, she was out there snow blowing. She sets the pace for all the husbands in her neighborhood. She makes them all look like slouches.
Amy came out 30 years ago. Back when times were much simpler. There were gays and lesbians. Now, there are LBGTQ labels and the list keeps growing. The list is so long, she uses it for her secure password.
She shops the gay men’s section at Macy’s, but she only identifies as male when she needs a haircut. She likes paying $25 and not $90.
Amy recently turned 50 and has decided she only wants to live to be 80. That way, she can die before everything falls apart. And guess what? You can even run for President of the United States at 80! So, she has that to look forward to.
She was on a Zoom call and saw what she looked like. Yikes, time for Botox. Well, that didn’t turn out well as she cannot move her eyebrows. Tough if you are a comedian.
There’s lots more to tell but alas, word counts must be honored.
