Enjoying the food, refreshment and fellowship at Mermaid Beach Bowls Club

 

 

 

A few thoughts:

I often wonder who “Pete” is and why we do so many things for his sake
Scientists say the Universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons - they forgot to mention moron
Vegetarian is an old Indian word for bad hunter.
At my funeral take the bouquet off my coffin, throw it into the crowd to see who's next.

I like bungalows - there’s just one major flaw.
I can’t count how many times I failed my maths exam.
Just like my grandfather, I want to die peacefully in my sleep, and certainly not screaming and yelling like the passengers he was driving.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you melons, you’re dyslexic.
Those Russian Matryoshka dolls are so full of themselves!
Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple Terms & Conditions.
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A  senior citizen drove his brand new car out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 120 kph, enjoying the power of the car .  “Amazing,”he thought as he flew down the M1, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a highway patrol car, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
He floored it to 140 kph, then 180kph, then suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old  for this!” and  pulled over to await the copper’s arrival.  Pulling in behind him, the copper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the car.
He looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding – a reason I’ve never before heard – I’ll  let you go..”
The old gentleman paused then said,  “Thirty three years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back.”  “Have a good day, Sir,” replied the copper.
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A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.
"Actually," said his guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."
The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"
"Yes, indeed," said his guide. "He wrote a large cheque."
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A mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family-car privileges. On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party.
The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. In the middle of the day, the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen and her father asked her: “Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?”
“Not too late, Dad,” she replied nervously.
Dead-panned, her father said: “Then, my precious one, I’ll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tyre of the car.”
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Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
A: Swimming trunks!

Q: What starts with an E and ends with E, but only contains one letter?
A: An envelope!

Q: Why should bowling alleys be quiet?
A: So you can hear a pin drop!

 

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty"