My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness and I said;
"No, we all seem to enjoy it."
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, "Close enough."
I'm a multitasker. I can listen, ignore and forget, all at the same time!
Retirement to do list: Wake up.
People who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full, miss the point.
The glass is refillable.
I don't have grey hair. I have wisdom highlights.
Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.
I don't trip, I do random gravity checks.
One minute you're young and fun. Next, you're turning down the car stereo
to see better.
Common sense is not a gift. It's a punishment because you must deal with everyone who doesn't have it.
I came. I saw. I forgot what I was doing. Retraced my steps. Got lost on the way back.
If you can't think of a word, say "I forgot the English word for it." That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.
I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.
It's weird being the same age as old people.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. This is not what I expected.
It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.
Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked.
I see people my age mountain climbing. I feel good just getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads.
