There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.

My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.

What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

I started a band called 999 Megabytes — we haven’t gotten a gig yet.

There are three guys in a boat with four cigarettes. They have no matches or anything and were trying to come up with a way to smoke their cigarettes.
"I got it!" said the one guy as he threw one of his cigarettes overboard.
"Why did you do that?" yelled his buddy.
To which he replied, "To make the boat a little lighter."

Little Noah came into the house with a new harmonica. "Grandpa, do you mind if I play this in here?"
"Of course not, Noah. I love music. In fact, when your grandma and I were young, music saved my life."
"What happened?"
"Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke and when the water hit out house it knocked it right off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely."
"How about you?"
"Me? I accompanied her on the piano!"

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.