PRESIDENTS REPORT | DIRECTOR & OTHER REPORTS | PHOTOS
PRESIDENTS REPORT
Dear Fellow Rotarians,
There is absolutely no doubt that we are blessed with our special Hub, our home away from home and we must not forget the huge effort that Past President John and his team did to bring this to fruition. On Tuesday night I had numerous members say to me they love our get away venue and our very special fellowship there with our BBQ meals.
Noel and Graeme on behalf of our members thanks for a great meal, fillet steak, sumptuous sausages, patties, salad and apple pie and ice cream for desert. Plus we made a small profit for the club.
This night was a working bee plus fellowship and as we loaded trucks for our inaugural l Book Sale. Thanks to all concerned plus a big thank you for members who brought extra assistance.
Well as we go to print with this Rotarlight we have had our first day's trading at the Book Sale. At close we had sold approx. $11,000.00 worth of books. A fantastic outcome for our first day. We were all very busy and the buzz was great. A big thank you to all Rotarians and friends for a great job to date. As I close I look forward to seeing all of our club members over the next two days at the book sale lending a hand where possible.
Not to forget we also had a Bunnings Sausage going as well so a big thanks to the BBQ team at Bunnings. It was a big day there as well.
Don't forget we have a great night planned for Tuesday at the Crown.
I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus.
Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy."
Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?"
He replied, "They're all nocturnal."
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"A dog in Seattle is making news after commuters noticed it had been riding the bus to a local park all by itself. Everyone says the dog is amazing, while the dog said, panicking, 'I gotta find that blind guy. I'm in a lot of trouble if I don't find him."
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"A new study found that people with a lot of phobias are more likely to have health problems. Or as those people put it, 'I was afraid of that.'" -Jimmy Fallon
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The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her
life finally retired. At her next check-up, the new Doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.
As the doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL Pills?’’
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that that could possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee...."Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old Granddaughter drinks. and believe me, it definitely helps me sleep at night."
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It is a Friday Funnies tradition to include The Office Christmas Party each year, Diane sent it in.
CHRISTMAS PARTY
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 21st October 2015
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 21st, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $20.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, 'AA Only', you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $20.00 is too much money and Management believe $20.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, L*sbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply 'No Sugar' desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!
Vegetarians… I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the 'grill of death', as you so quaintly put it, you'll get your f,,,,,, salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feelings too, They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW !!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.
FROM: John Benson.( Acting Human Resources Director )
TO: All Employees
DATE: 28th October 2015
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
John Benson.
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A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman.
The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
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An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated ...38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos."
"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.
"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Times up!' "?
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Q. How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus weighed 7lbs 6ozs at birth?
A. Because they had Away in a manger
Q: What athlete is warmest in winter?
A: A long jumper!
Q: What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
A: Jingle Smells!
Q: What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?
A: A pineapple!
Q: What do Santa's elves learn in school?
A: The Elfabet.
Q: What do snowmen wear on their heads?
A: Ice caps!
Q: What sort of ball doesn't bounce?
A: A snowball!
- Thank you for viewing the Broadbeach Rotarlight -
