Nick Hall - Minutarian
SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA DO
WHAT YOU GOTTA DO
When giving advice to clients, I always tell them my recommendations will be grounded in science, but tempered with pragmatism. That’s because after
decades working as a scientist, I’ll be the first to admit the way things are supposed to work based upon a well thought out laboratory experiment is seldom
the way it really does work when you suddenly find yourself dealing with the unexpected.
That’s when you may have to discard the book and do what is most likely going to work based upon your past experience and intuition. Which brings
me to last week’s Minutarian. The central theme was the importance of talking things through to prevent and
resolve conflict. Under optimal conditions when reasonable people disagree, the talk-it-over approach works. However, some people are so dysfunctional, a
reasonable approach will probably be a waste of time.
So how do you deal with those who possess a personality so toxic that being reasonable serves no purpose other than to elevate your blood pressure? Administer what I am calling, The Three-Way Test.
Before you take some action you may live to regret, recite the following:
OF THE THINGS I AM ABOUT TO THINK, SAY OR DO,
1. IS IT JUSTIFIED?
2. WILL IT SERVE A USEFUL PURPOSE?
3. WILL I REGRET MY DECISION?
Is it justified? Probably or you wouldn’t have reached the point of asking these questions. Will it serve a useful purpose? It depends upon your priorities. Getting it off your chest can be beneficial, however, when dealing with difficult people speaking your mind will probably be ignored or worse, escalate the conflict. Will I regret my decision? You won’t know for sure until afterwards when it’s too late to turn back the clock. Therefore, if there’s any possibility you might wish you could take it back, play it safe and don’t do it.
So now what? My rule is if either of the answers to the first two questions is NO, or the third is YES, then I’ll either chill or else think of a creative and untraceable way to pass the Three-Way Test.
You can also choose between either of the
following contradictory biblical options: The book of Luke’s, To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other, or Muhammad Ali’s paraphrase of the Exodus
inspired approach, I believe in the eye-for-an-eye business. I’m no cheek turner.
You kill my dog, you better hide your cat. Sometimes you’ve just gotta do what you gotta do! But you may want to wait until after March 1 when Peace and Conflict Prevention/Resolution Month is over.
