Weekly News & Views by: Will Portello
Photographs by: Patsy Inouye
President David got the show rolling at 7:10 without fanfare. A few guests were on hand, including Mack Walker’s friend Dave Brent. We also were graced by Rotaractors Jennifer, Claudia and 
Sierra. Little Elf Ella E. snuck in without introduction.
Sierra. Little Elf Ella E. snuck in without introduction. Meaghan Likes, Kira King, and yours truly are sponsoring an Open House on December 6, 2017 (tonight!) from 4 - 8 at 355 2nd Street, Suite B. All are welcome. The author does suggest that if internet, a conference table, shipping supplies, or the ability to print are required (What, no Bidet?!), one should bring his or her own provisions, because such things may vanish without warning. If you have questions, ask Meaghan. (Is it the truth?)
Dick Berry has spots for bell ringers. Vanessa announced that the December 1 deadline for Elf-presents was a fakey-deadline, and that the real deadline would be later. Gretchen would track folks down who didn’t get their presents. That’s some bad news. There will be a wrapping party at some point. I think it’s at 6:30. No idea what day it was. That’s on Nancy. (It is scheduled for Tuesday the 12th – more details to follow). Brody also made an announcement about the Bicycle Hall of Fame. Again… didn’t catch it.
John Morgan was the Sgt. of the Day. The Happy Bucks came early and often. Chuck was back up to Vancouver B.C., where it was cold and wet. Dick Bourne gave Happy Bucks because of something to do with Steve Short and a company Dick had started, and the company sold something or whatnot. No lawsuit, so my interest waned. Don Morrill gave happy bucks for anticipating that Dick would be around more. Bonnie has been volunteering at the interfaith rotating winter homeless shelter, and gave Happy Bucks for having a home. Natalie had a tea party and raised $12,500. 
Happy! Jim Smith gave Happy Bucks for his granddaughter going through some kind of “Scared Straight” program at a Vet School. (I think it actually had more to do with Arnie Wolf’s wife mentoring Jim’s granddaughter…. Tomato, tomâto). Jeff Adamski gave Happy Bucks for Vanessa’s performance in a “Get your Business Going” exercise in Woodland. Professor Watenpaugh did his research assignment in Lebanon AND came home. Apparently Saudi Arabia kidnapped the Lebanese Prime Minister while he was there, which of course… because, the Middle East. Go figure. The Professor also announced his “Star Trek” and Human Rights presentation at the Crocker for Monday December 4. And he announced that his kids made chili for the homeless. Sgt. Morgan (not to be confused with Captain Morgan) tried to nail the Professor on a trivia challenge- unfortunately, it was within Keith’s scope of expertise: the Universal Declaration of Human Rights was signed on December 10, 1948.
Happy! Jim Smith gave Happy Bucks for his granddaughter going through some kind of “Scared Straight” program at a Vet School. (I think it actually had more to do with Arnie Wolf’s wife mentoring Jim’s granddaughter…. Tomato, tomâto). Jeff Adamski gave Happy Bucks for Vanessa’s performance in a “Get your Business Going” exercise in Woodland. Professor Watenpaugh did his research assignment in Lebanon AND came home. Apparently Saudi Arabia kidnapped the Lebanese Prime Minister while he was there, which of course… because, the Middle East. Go figure. The Professor also announced his “Star Trek” and Human Rights presentation at the Crocker for Monday December 4. And he announced that his kids made chili for the homeless. Sgt. Morgan (not to be confused with Captain Morgan) tried to nail the Professor on a trivia challenge- unfortunately, it was within Keith’s scope of expertise: the Universal Declaration of Human Rights was signed on December 10, 1948. Manny celebrated 12 of the best years of marriage out of the 37 he’d been married. George W. was happy for his 8th grandchild. Meaghan was happy for a whole bunch of things and deadlines. Dick Berry was happy for 17 people at the post-Thanksgiving Black Bear meeting. He also has 8 bell-ringing slots left. Natalie gave more happy bucks for Zimbabwe finally being free.
Moving to fines, Arnie W. was nailed for the Eagles good year (which didn’t look so good in Seattle about 55 hours later). Bruce W. was recognized for the Professor in his household… Lois.
John Eadie was the program for the day. A graduate of the University of British Columbia and the University of Toronto, he’s a Wildlife Biology Professor at U.C. Davis, specializing waterfowl, and referred to as a “Ducktor.” His program was “The Weird Wild Underworld of the Wood Duck.”
Moving at light speed (and remember, this reporter thing is a part-time unpaid side gig, so suck it up and deal with the factual shortcomings below. The man was fast!), he launched into his spiel. (Will-we can pay you in free fedex envelopes).
Parasitism is widespread in the animal world (as evidenced by some nasty slides). In the bird world, this includes European Cuckoos murdering the newborn offspring of other birds, and swapping their own into the nest, to be reared by the unsuspecting (and apparently not-so-bright adoptive parents). Lots of ducks practice “conspecific blood parasitism,” a fancy way of saying “they lay their eggs in the nests of other ducks and ghost, leaving someone else to raise the kid.” Kind of like Hollywood.
Wood Ducks carry this behavior to extremes. There are two genetic variants of Wood Ducks, the Eastern and Western. The ducks primarily live in riparian habitat, including along streams and rivers. They’re cavity nesters, living in tree trucks. Wood Duck boxes help, due to the loss of habitat. By 1918 Wood Ducks were almost extinct, leading to the first Migratory Waterfowl Act, federal law protecting waterfowl.
Wood Duck males are brightly colored, but useless. Wood Duck females are duller, but do the heavy lifting. Dads breed, then bail. Duck moms lay up to 15 eggs in a clutch. After the ducklings hatch, they jump out of the nest about 24 hours later, and they start running around getting gobbled up by blue jays, raccoons, bass, and dinosaurs, until about 85% are gone. Then they become a protected class by law, and the predators are forced to leave them alone.
As it turns out, those adorable little puff balls of nutrition actually have a history. A chunk of them are in the brood because of conspecific blood parasitism. Certain bad duck moms hustle from nest to nest, dumping eggs. Researchers have found as many as 50 eggs in one nest. The Wood Ducks females will often cohabit in a nest, two of them raising their broods. It doesn’t always work, because sometimes the Wood Duck mom will simply have had enough of her roommate leaving crap everywhere, eating the last of the pizza, (throwing out fedex envelopes) and not doing the dishes and will unexpectedly MURDER THE OTHER DUCK BY CRUSHING HER SKULL OR BREAKING HER NECK. This speaks to the value of better tenant screening.
As it turns out, studying these sociopathic ducks has led to a lot of interest, including the “Wood Duck Internship,” in which over 500 student interns have deliberately been exposed to these activities. As it turns out, 17% of Wood Ducks have ducklings that aren’t their own. 47% of Wood Ducks will nest their own clutch of eggs, but also toss a few around other nests. The typical parasitized nest has 1-5 parasitic ducklings. Notably, the parasitic eggs have higher levels of testosterone than non-parasitic eggs.
The UCD researchers have started Implanting chips in the ducks to monitor their movements. They’ve discovered that some Wood Ducks really get around, parasitizing other nests, while others are homebodies. They’re not sure why. There may actually be some familial relationship with the ducks that get around, or nest together, and the other ducks. The behavior may also be related to upbringing. I have no idea how a duck would grow up thinking it’s cool to egg another duck’s nest, but apparently that’s how duck fetishes roll.
One observation from his studies is that the Wood Duck boxes do impact behavior. The more boxes in a close proximity, the more ducks, and the more parasitism. But, the fewer boxes, means fewer ducks, and less parasitism. Go figure.
Draw of the Day was $1650. Someone (Ken Firestein?) drew the card, but didn’t win. 6 cards left.