In fact, it’s important to embrace the darker aspects of a situation in the process. “The most helpful definition of being positive is having hope and confidence in one’s ability to handle what’s tough, along with remembering that nothing is all negative all the time,” explains
Jo Eckler, PsyD, a therapist in Austin, Texas and author of
I Can’t Fix You—Because You’re Not Broken. Instead, she defines positivity as the ability to identify sunnier takeaways or moments of relief, no matter how small.
And if you’re not naturally prone to positivity, don’t beat yourself up. “Some people are born with rose-colored glasses and a neural architecture that predisposes them to enjoy positive emotions and the best in the world,” says Jamie Gruman, PhD., professor at the University of Guelph and author of Boost: The Science of Recharging Yourself in an Age of Unrelenting Demands. “Other people come into the world with grey-colored glasses instead of the rose-colored variety—it’s a genetic lottery,” he explains.
While learning how to be more positive is more challenging for some, anyone can pick up the skills required to get there. These 12 tips will train your brain to look on the bright side—and possibly change your life in the process.
1. Pick a personal mantra—and repeat it.
It might feel strange at first, but talking to yourself is an easy trick that can help. “We’re often harder on ourselves than we would ever be to someone else, so talk to yourself like you would to your best friend,” says Erin Parisi, a licensed mental health counselor in Orlando, Florida. It might feel strange at first, but talking to yourself is an easy trick that can help.
To get comfortable doing this, try creating a positive personal mantra. Examples include, “It is what it is,” “Everything happens for a reason,” and “When one door closes another one opens,” or even a favorite song lyric or line from a poem. “This mantra can bring you a smidge of relief and remind you that things will get better, even if they suck right now,” Parisi says.
2. Pay less attention to negative thoughts.
Ever found yourself lost in a loop of worry and concern? That’s called rumination, which is the process of continually thinking about the same dark scenario. Learning to recognize those thoughts for what they are—just thoughts—can aid you in pulling yourself together.
3. Be kind to yourself.
Cut yourself some slack when something crappy—losing a job, undergoing a breakup, or experiencing trauma—happens in your life. “These situations are painful. You’re most likely not going to feel perky and peppy about it all, and that’s okay,” Eckler says. Trying to squash the anxiety or grief will only intensify those feelings.
Words made a big difference in how you feel and in the way others perceive you. “One of the biggest ways we transfer stress is verbally,“ explains Michelle Gielan, a happiness researcher and author of Broadcasting Happiness. “So jump-starting a conversation with a positive statement can set the tone in a different place.”
For example, when someone at work asks how you are, instead of saying, “I’m so stressed and busy!” try something light-hearted like, “I just had the best turkey and avocado sandwich for lunch. How’s your day going?” This can naturally lead the conversation—and your mind—to a more positive place.
5. Start a daily gratitude practice.
Research shows that expressing gratitude can increase joy, which in turn can increase gratitude. “Now that’s a great cycle to get stuck in,” Eckler says. Begin by simply jotting down three things you are thankful for each day. Gruman points to studies that show that this intervention—and similar ones like writing a letter to someone who’d been particularly kind to them—enhances happiness.
6. Go outdoors.
Spending time in nature has been proven to boost positive thinking. If going outside for a stroll isn’t an option, try adding more plants around your workplace or even watching nature scenes on YouTube whenever anxiety or stress builds up. In one study, people who viewed a stress-inducing film were later exposed to either shots of nature or of urban life. The result? Those who spent time peering over Mother Nature’s beauty recovered from stress more quickly.
7. Consider meditation.
Though it’s become a cliché recommendation, practicing mindfulness plays a big part in becoming more positive, Eckler notes. “Being mindful for just a few minutes a day teaches us that everything changes, making it easier to have hope in dark moments,” she explains. “This will also help strengthen your practice of observing—but not always giving into—the negative thoughts your brain likes to conjure.
8. Journal about your “best self.”
Eckler notes that this exercise involves imagining your best possible self in the future to zero in on the characteristics you’ll need to achieve that ideal. “Once you have that image in mind, take 10 to 15 minutes to write about it in detail, imagining what life will look like once you’ve achieved that state,” Eckler explains. Several studies have found that the more you write about an improved version of yourself, the more likely you are to become it.
9. Give back to others.
Volunteering can boost happiness and make you feel fulfilled, Parisi notes. Consider getting involved at schools, hospitals, and animal, homeless, and domestic violence shelters. “Find the one that’s right for you and you’ll be routinely face-to-face with problems bigger than your own.”
10. Practice random acts of kindness.
Can’t commit to a regular volunteer job? Take smaller steps, which can have a similarly uplifting effect. Donate old clothes, books, or furniture; pay for the cup of coffee of the person behind you in line; donate blood. “By doing something kind for a stranger, you’re proving to yourself that kindness exists in the world. You never know when you’ll be on the receiving end,” Parisi says.
11. Exercise regularly.
Get moving if you want your mood to shift. Research about the connection between exercise and your emotions shows that being active will help you be happier and healthier. You don’t need to train for a marathon to reap the benefits. Even a 10-minute walk or yoga session has been shown to make an impact.
12. Don’t try so hard!
This might sound like a contradictory point to end on, but according to Gruman, taking off some of the pressure to be happy may help you become more positive overall. He conducted a study that assessed people’s “need for happiness” and the research found that those with a higher need for it actually felt less happy than those with a lower need for it.
Bottom line:
Think of happiness as a byproduct of living an engaged life, Gruman suggests. “Unlike making money, which can be fostered by analyzing one’s finances and trying to develop a plan to improve them, thinking about making ourselves happy can backfire,” he explains. “Don’t think about it so much—just do it.”
“Look at negative thoughts like reruns of a TV show you’ve seen a million times,” Eckler explains. Let them play in the background while you shift your focus to something else. Think to yourself, “I’m noticing I’m having the thought that ______.” As Eckler says, “I like to tell my mind, ‘Thanks for sharing!’ in a slightly sarcastic tone to acknowledge the thought. Then I move my attention elsewhere.”
**Originally printed in Oprah magazine**
Congratulations is due Ray Nunn, winner of this year's Makepeace Community Trustee Award from Leadership Pikes Peak. This award is in recognition of "an individual whose consistent community leadership has created a long-lasting legacy which spans beyond the Pikes Peak Region. This award, our highest accolade, is named after our former Executive Director, and Mayor, Mary Lou Makepeace."
Also note that Rotarian Andy Vick was nominated for the "Modeling The Way" Award: A Leadership Pikes Peak alumni whose leadership in their professional career has motivated their colleagues, friends, family, and/or community members to get involved. This person is a team-builder and a community collaborator. 
A doctor, lawyer, and a Rotarian in charge of fundraising all die and arrive at the Pearly Gates about the same time. St. Peter tells them they may each have one thing to take with them to Heaven.
