Ellis White Wants Rotarians Off Their Butts; Attempt Fails Miserably
Ellis explains that physical health is easy - - but then outlined that it involves a regiment of jumping jacks, push-ups, and removal of Ho-Ho's from your diet. Sadly, it was a non-starter for Downey Rotarians. (Getty Images)
This Past Tuesday, February 9, 2021
Last week’s Downey Meeting started innocently enough. We enjoyed half an hour of fellowship prior to our official start of 12:30pm. Invocation and flag salute were handled in a mostly professionally manner by Mel Sanchez and Joyce Yasumura, respectively.
The Finemaster portion, overseen by your editor, included a few interesting pieces of information, and you are encouraged to read about it in more detail in both Lorine's article, and the Letter From the Editor.
Our speaker was a returnee from last year. Ellis White is the owner of Premier Fitness in Downey, and he’s something of an anomaly for fitness business owners. Mr. White has opted to embrace a Zoom-based program for those clients that prefer that option, while coaching those in person in an outdoor setting.
On top of that, Ellis uses his resources and fitness background to work with disadvantaged student athletes to qualify them for college programs. Lastly, he also participates in several local non-profit endeavors.
Ellis was quickly identified as what Downey Rotarian Angelo Cardono used to call a non-dues-paying Rotarian — that is, someone living the life of a Rotarian, but not yet a member.
Yet.
Next Tuesday, February 16, 2021
The below is from program chair Mel Sanchez regarding our Tuesday speaker:
Jason Gardner, the founder of Radical Shift Coaching, is a respected coach with capabilities for unlocking human potential. With a long history in magic, escapology, and performing, he helps people free themselves of the invisible constraints they create for themselves and reach their full personal potential and the freedom they crave.
The Hub Bub response to the above is a succinct: what the hell? So can this guy teach me to hover over freeway traffic, or leap tall buildings in a single bound? Let’s all find out on Tuesday.
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LA5 Responds to the Hub Bub...
The six readers of the Hub Bub may recall that, last week, we reported that a visit from the secretary of the LA 5 Rotary club may have had motives beyond simple fellowship. Specifically, we let our readers know that Chrissy Moses from the prestigious LA 5 club was likely trying to poach members from the Downey club. Yeah, we know what you’re thinking — a Rotarian from Downey? Talk about scraping the bottom of a barrel...
Regardless, the news traveled to Downtown Los Angeles even faster than the time we challenged the "intelligence" of the South Gate club.
The Hub Bub received the below response from club secretary Ms. Moses and in the interest of journalistic integrity, we’ve opted to print her article verbatim (Mike Pohlen, this does not mean how they catch rats in the South).
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Dear Editor,
It has come to my attention that my recent visit to the Rotary Club of Downey has been misconstrued in a way that does not pass the four-way test and I feel compelled to respond.
As LA5's Secretary, I was inspired by our VP Malinda Monterrosa’s efforts to get the First Five Clubs together to connect and thought I should visit other clubs as well. I saw it as my duty to spy on…I mean…engage with other clubs to see how they are handling the honorable work of service above self during COVID. Which is the reason for my recent visit to the Rotary Club of Downey. I see now that my innocent attempt at forging bonds between Rotarians has been twisted into a dark and nefarious plot to steal members from other clubs.
In The Hub Bub, Issue 33, Downey’s newsletter article “Nefarious Plot? Visitor from LA5” accuses, among other things, that I was trying to "induce prospective Rotarians to abandon their home club and join the prestigious LA5 Rotary club" and offered inducements in "the form of $20 signing bonuses, Target gift cards, and undefined ‘warm fuzzies’.”
Anyone at LA5 would recognize these insidious lies as one would never describe LA5er, Adam Weiss, as trying to get new members to join the club by doing that. He much prefers dazzlingly them at the California Club with a Vesper in hand and sending the reimbursement requests to our beleaguered Treasurer Darin Marinov. And if you have seen our budget, you will see no line item for $20 signing bonuses (mostly because it’s listed under “IT related expenses” – note to self: delete before sending to Downey).
As every LA5er knows our Past President Alan Bernstein’s favorite thing to say is “Fight On!” So LA5 will fight on during this difficult time as this cannot stand!
That said, there may possibly be some truth in The Hub Bub article…so Downey Rotary Members, instead of Target gift cards, we – the oldest club in the district – can offer much more valuable inducements such as souvenir horse bridles from 1909, a mummified past president from the 1920s, or gas ration coupons from WWII. Wait a moment…according to our Past President Marc Leeka, Downey already has a mummified past president and his name rhymes with “Mug Taker”. Well, the horse bridles are still available at any rate.
Sincerely,
Chrissy Moses, LA5 Secretary
P.S. – Hey Rotary Club of Bellflower…snitches get stitches!
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...and Fallout From the Response
The following is your editor's recollection of a phone call I had earlier in the week with Willy Medina, our club President, in regards to the growing tensions with the LA 5 club.
Ray: LA 5 is attacking the Hub Bub! We can’t sit idly by and tolerate this! They're even attacking the legacy and honor of Doug Baker! Is nothing sacred?!
Willy: Didn’t you start this whole mess by writing an article accusing them of stealing Rotarians? It’s not even true!
Ray: How do we know that? Here they are, the biggest club in the District, maybe in the country, and LA 5 is going to have an officer of the club visit Downey? Us? We rank even lower than the El Segundo club!
Willy: I think you mispronounced Segundo.
Ray: That’s not the point!
Willy: Listen to me, Mr. Brown. Do you know why the story of David versus Goliath makes such a compelling story? Because it almost never happens that the small guy wins! Listen, if these guys were a country, LA5 would have the world’s sixth largest economy! We’d be required to read their El Rodeo bulletin, learn to make a Vesper cocktail, and pay $3,000 a year in membership dues. They’ll squash us like a stink bug. Apologize to them and drop the subject. Ok?
<static on phone, followed by a click>
I’m certain Willy had more to say on the subject, but I hit a dead cellphone coverage area somewhere off the 405, and I wasn't able to hear any more nonsense, well-intentioned or otherwise.
Stink bug, my ass....LA5, we're coming for you!
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Oh, Those Kids...
What We're Reading This Week
Ah yes, the joy of childhood education. This is a hilarious read from children’s author Asia Fallaway, who, in 217 pages, highlights the hijinks of siblings Taffy & Tuffy as they create havoc and raised eyebrows at the Dangley household. Appropriate reading for all ages....
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Mask Up!
Latest Covid 19 Precaution
If Governor Newsom and the CDC are now recommending wearing two masks for greater Covid protection, then why stop at two? Why not three? Or four? A dozen? Your editor demonstrates the safest, albeit somewhat unwieldy option in the demonstration below.
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Don't Upset Jorge!
Jorge Montero's Pen Strikes Again
Literary talent and Downey Rotarian Jorge Montero was again published in the local Downey Patriot. In this particular Letter to the Editor contribution, Jorge eloquently states the safety of the respective Covid vaccinations, and encourages all readers to avail themselves of the available vaccines.
It was a bold pronouncement for the 27 wackos out there that may still harbor some concerns that some of Bill Gates’ DNA might be mixed into the brew, allowing the Microsoft billionaire a chance to engage in mind-melds with vaccine recipients, ultimately controlling their thoughts, motor skills, and bathroom hygiene.
Perhaps next week, Mr. Montero will continue his fearless stance, and expound on the great controversy of Ben and Jerry’s Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz versus Haagen-Dazs Dulce De Leche.
Keep it up, Jorge! The rest of us Downey Rotarians that struggle with two-syllable words are looking to you to maintain the dignity of our organization.
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Letter From the Editor
Your editor was serving as Finemaster last Tuesday, and the theme I’d selected was “guilty pleasures.” This inspiration occurred because Club chair Joyce xxxxxx texted me on Monday night while my wife and I were watching an episode of classic reality TV, The Bachelor on ABC.
I shared this with club members at the Tuesday Zoom meeting because, while I'm not particularly proud of this viewing habit, I thought it might loosen up some Rotarians as they shared their own guilty pleasure.
The best I could hope for? Maybe someone would volunteer that they regularly pee on their front lawn to save water, we'd have a laugh, and I'd fine them $25.
Several Rotarians were then selected to rattle off their particular pleasure, and, truth be told, the intent was never to embarrass anyone. Per Downey Rotary organizational by-laws, the Finemaster's primary role is to extract funds for the club, and, if possible, make the process mildly entertaining.
Most responses to the question were pretty tame, and Barbara Lamberth and Mel Sanchez stand out for particularly weak answers. Lorine's article below talks further of this. Their heavy fine reflected the poor responses.
No one reading the Hub Bub will ever appreciate the restraint your editor is showing by not revealing Larry Graces’ response to his own guilty pleasure. It was a classic moment, and I can now die a happy man, knowing this important piece of Rotary trivia is forever locked into the synapses of my brain.
If nothing else, the moment alone demonstrated the value of attending a Downey Rotary meeting. Zoom or otherwise.
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SnapShot: February Is A Lucky Month For Lorine!
By Lorine Parks
First came our Super Bowl Lotto. After all my permutations and combinations about the odds – I actually won something. In a dazzling display of football expertise, I predicted the integers of the final score – in reverse. Seriously, who knew that category even existed? I started to consider how I could pass on my good fortune.
And then I scored again, with the COVID vaccine —right after the Super Bowl ended, I managed to get an appointment. Thanks to a practical poet friend Zaida Ramos who sent me her Vaccine Instruction Guide when more sites opened up, and then kept coaching me to sign up, I found a spot at the Rite-Aid in Bell Gardens.
Bell Gardens as a site turns out to be the road less traveled by, and so this time the odds worked for me again. I’ll get the shot on the 24th, just one week after my birthday, another milestone. What a month.
How about everybody else? Vanessa Weeks reported that she drove her mother Mary Philips to Dodger Stadium and they both got inoculated.
FINE MASTER Ray Brown tried to uncover our secret lives with the theme of Guilty Pleasures, which he defined as “something that’s not a hobby, and makes you feel guilty because you get pleasure doing it.”
But he only turned up tame vices like Barbara Lamberth confessing she gets a guilty pleasure out of going on gal pal weekends without her spouse. Mel Sanchez likes to play practical jokes. Rich Strayer got a little more interesting with “Canadian Club in the morning.”
I decided that my guilty pleasure would be in how I would dispose of my Super Bowl winnings. Having the money made me feel giddy, like a spendthrift, defined as “someone who is extravagant and recklessly wasteful with money,” and that’s a no-no in my Scotch-Presbyterian upbringing. Definitely guilty.
First I would tithe back to the club, as a thank-you. And then, the extravagant part. I wanted to give a Valentine to my granddaughter Lawren, who is between jobs, to cheer her up. Half a goat, I decided, would be the perfect choice. With my winnings I could afford that and still have more to play with.
So I checked with Rosalind Russell, the Rotarian Goat Lady in Laguna I have written about before, who every few years goes to Nepal and takes herds of pregnant goats to the village women. Goats can provide milk and cheese and wool, and give birth to more goats. Part of the villager’s contract is that they will not eat the original gift goats within that first year, and will donate a kid to another village.
When Rosalind saw women making their coal-smudged thumb print on their contracts, she realized they could neither read nor write, and so she went ahead and founded the thriving Top of the World K-5th Grade School.
Being in the goat business led Rosalind to get Rotary Global Grants for two categories: sustainable small businesses which lift the local economy; and education and health concerns for women and children. All this appealed to my appreciation of something entirely off the wall. And I thought Lawren would get a lift out of it too.
Within a day, the Goat Lady told me that someone else had also bought in for half a goat, so with Lawren’s contribution, that will make one whole nanny. How’s that for a guilty pleasure coming true?
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