Knock, knock, Who's there?
Annie, Annie who?
Annie body home?
Knock, knock, Who's there?
Howl, Howl who?
Howl you know unless you open the door?
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Some short jokes
Someone asked me if I was born abroad.
I said no I've always been a male.
What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Can’t get up to vote? You may have electile dysfunction.
My star sign is pyrex. I was a test tube baby
Aged 11 my parents let me keep the money earned from
my paper round in a special money box under the stairs.
Took me ages to realise it was the electric meter.
I sent a photo of myself to The Lonely Hearts Club; they sent it back
with the message ‘We’re Not That Lonely’
After building my freshly purchased IKEA wardrobe in the car park there, I discovered it wouldn't fit in my car.
I think the Assembly Point is a really stupid idea.
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A little bit of real life humour
I teach drama in a primary school and I did a circle activity with the children where one of them has to go out to the middle of the circle and pick up an imaginary box, open it up and then mime what was in the box. One little girl in a Year 1 class (about 6years old) mimed opening a medium size box, she looked happy and mimed getting this little creature out of the box and then patting it with a great big smile on her face.
Then the other children around the circle have to try and guess what it was. First guess “Is it a mouse?” “No it's not a mouse.” “Is it a Guinea Pig?” “No it's not a Guinea pig.” “Is it a rabbit?” “No it's not a rabbit.” So then I said “OK tell us what it was.” And she said “It's a spider.”
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My psychiatrist thinks I'm paranoid.
Well, she didn't actually SAY that, but I know that's what she's thinking!
When a man says he'll fix it. HE WILL FIX IT!!!
There's no need to remind him every six months.
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When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face...
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"Guess what I heard today?" a man says to his wife.
"What, hon?" she asks.
"The mailman has seduced every woman on our block but one."
"Huh," his wife says, "I bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis next-door."
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I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull.
I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow.
I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him.
He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbour's cows! He's like a machine!
I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him, but they taste a bit like peppermint.
