A man goes to join a monastery.
The head monk sits him down to explain the rules.
The final rule he says is “This is a silent order.
You only get to speak once a year and that’s one sentence to me.”
“Righto” the man says.
A year goes by the monk approaches the man and says “Well done. You’ve done a year.
What’s your sentence?”
The man replies “Hard bed.”
The monk replies “Ok we’ll get you a soft bed.”
Another year goes by and the monk approaches the man and says
“ You’ve done two years, another twelve months. What’s your sentence?”
The man says “Cold food.”
The monk replies “Ok we’ll get you some hot food.”
Another year goes by and the monk approaches the man and says “Another year. Well done, three years.
What’s your sentence?
The man replies “I quit.”
The monk replies “I’m not surprised, you’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”
A guy goes into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one
of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril and a cucumber in the other ear.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you're not eating right."
Tommy was at the airport going through Customs.
The Customs Officer stops him and asks,
“What have you got in those two sacks on your shoulders?”
Tommy replies, “Just a lot of old mobile phones.”
The Customs Officer looks confused. “Why so many mobile phones?”
“Well, on my travels I got a call from my old mate, Jimmy.
He told me he was starting a jazz band,”
Tommy says.
“I was impressed and asked if there was anything I could do to help. He said, ‘Can you bring me back two sacks of phones?’ and here I am…”
