An engineer dies and is sent to hell.
He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted
for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway
motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.
The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish
and now they get hundreds of high def channels.
One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design
is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks.
He asks the Devil:
What's up?
The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer."
"What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have
been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately.
"The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him."
God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"
The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
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My wife and I held a fancy dress party the other night and we were greeting
the guests as they arrived at the door.
I was shocked when I opened the door to find my mate standing there carrying
his wife piggybacked - but he was totally naked.
I said in total disbelief, "Kevin, you're naked! This is supposed to be
fancy dress party - what are you dressed as?"
He replied, "I'm a snail" and then nodded his head back to indicate his wife
and added, "This is Michelle".
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A Mexican, an Italian, and a Aussie man are working on high-rise construction
together.
On their lunch break the Mexican opens his lunch box and exclaims “ Damnit, she packed tacos again!” Then he stands up and jumps.
The Italian opens his lunch box and exclaims “Damnit, she gave me lasagna again!” Then he stands up and jumps.
The Aussie opens his lunch box and exclaims “Damnit, hamburgers again.” Then he stands up and jumps.
Several days later, the wife of the Aussie guy hosts a celebration of life for
the workers and invites all the employees & their families.
The attendees march by, and the Boss stops at the Mexican's wife. “ I'm so sorry
for your loss.,” To which the wife replied "Thank you. If only I'd known he was tired of tacos, I would have packed
something else.” Then she broke down in tears.
Next, the Boss stops at the Italian’s wife. “ I'm so sorry for your loss.” To which the wife replied "Thank you. If only I'd known he was so tired of lasagna, I would have packed
something else.”
Then she broke down in tears.
So the Boss stops at the Aussie ’s wife. “ I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't you wish you'd packed something else
for your husband,?”
To which the wife replied "Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch!”