Sometimes honesty isn’t the best policy. A patient showed up at our medical office and asked, “You’re Mary, aren’t you?
I smiled. “No, I’m sorry, I am not.”
“Are you sure? You look just like someone I know named Mary.”
Well, I hope she’s young and skinny.”
“No,” he said, settling into his chair. “She looks like you.”
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“I believe you are a member of the school’s football team,” said the proud grandfather to his 13 year old grandson. “What position do you play?”
"I’m not sure Gramps,” said the lad, “but I heard the sports teacher say I was the team’s main drawback.”
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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer: “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar coin in one hand and a five dollar note in the other, then calls the boy over and asks: “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the coin and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlour.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the coin instead of the note?”
The boy licked his cone and replied: “Because the day I take the note the game is over!”
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A son arrives home from University and over dinner tells his parents that he has taken a D.N.A test and none of his family matches and asks if he was adopted.
His mother said of course he was not adopted. The son says that he is matched perfectly to a family across town.
The father says to his wife, "Well we are not his Birth Parents and you are responsible"
The father explains, " Remember the day after his birth at the hospital, you asked me to look after him while you had a shower as you hadn't slept all night and were exhausted because the baby screamed all night. You called out , can you change the baby? .........So I Did! "
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When you wrote about Shaun dressing up as cartoon characters. Well it reminded me of the time where I constantly keep seeing cartoon characters like mickey mouse, Donald duck, Daffy duck etc etc. When I saw the Doc he said don’t worry it’s just Disney spells.
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Like most kids in Victoria at the moment, my six year old grandson is doing home schooling. In an online Zoom session with his teacher, the kids were asked to tell her a joke one by one and apparently she smiled at each one and said how good they were.
Then it was my grandson's turn -
Grandson - "Knock, Knock"
Teacher - "Who's there?"
Grandson - "Didap"
Teacher - "Didap who?"
My daughter-in-law said that's when the teacher lost it. It's best said out loud.
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There was a group of adults who were taking a computer science course at a community college and after a few weeks of classes, the professor decided to have some fun one day as a little learning activity and he divided them by sex, and he put the men on one side of the room and the women on the other side of the room, and he said, “I want you to do a little project for the next ten minutes and I want you to determine what gender computes ought to be.” And, so they deliberated, so finally here come the men, they have voted unanimously that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender.
So the professor said, “Alright, share with me your points.”
They had four points. They said, “The reason why computers should be spoken of in the feminine gender is because no one but their creator understands their internal logic. The second reason is because when computers communicate with each other they speak in code language that only they and experts can understand.
The third reason is because every mistake you make is stored on their hard-drive for later retrieval. The fourth reason,” these men said, “Because as soon as you commit to one, you find yourself spending half your pay cheque on accessorising it.”
The women had the last word on this subject. The women voted unanimously, computers must be in the masculine gender. Why? As they gave their report they said, “First of all in order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. Secondly, they have a lot of data, but still can’t think for themselves. Thirdly, they’re supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.”
And the final reason they gave was, “because as soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer you could have got a better model.”
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I ran into an old friend from school today who immediately starting bragging about his wonderful life.
Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
I said, “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend.”
He said, “Why? Is she good looking?”
I said, “No, she’s an optician.”
