My friend said I looked like a flamingo... so I had to put my foot down
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I went fishing one morning, but after a short time I ran out of my prawn bait. Bugger!
Then I saw a red-belly black snake with a frog in his mouth. I said to it, ‘Good on yer, Cobber’. (Frogs are really good barramundi bait.)
Knowing that the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog off the teeth, and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the problem was; how to release the snake without getting bitten.
So, I grabbed my traveller’s bottle of Johnnie Walker Black Label and poured a moderate amount of whiskey into its mouth.The snake’s eyes rolled back and he went limp.
I released him into the lake without further incident and carried on fishing, using the frog as bait.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that bloody snake again, with two more frogs.
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When my daughter was about 9-years-old I became pregnant again. Of course, she wanted to know how it happened, so I gave what I considered an appropriate explanation of the process.
She asked, "Did you do that to get me?"
I said "yes," and she responded, "And you did it again?"
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Two guys were working for the city. One would furiously dig a hole, then the other would come behind him and quickly fill the hole. They were drenched in sweat. A man watching from the sidewalk couldn't believe how hard they were working, but also couldn't understand what they were doing.
Finally he said: "I'm confused. You dig a hole and then your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The digger leaned on his shovel and replied, "Oh yeah, it must look funny.
You see, the lazy jackass who plants the trees is sick again today!"
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I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus.
Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I think I've figured something out about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy."
Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?"
He replied, "They're all nocturnal."