A friend sent a message to my husband with a photo of himself at the hospital with his
new baby granddaughter.
“What is her name?” I asked.
My husband replied, “Mace!”
“But that is pepper spray,” I groaned. “They can’t call her that!”
My husband put on his glasses and looked again. Turns out her name is actually Maisie!
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A drunk staggered down the main street of the town. Somehow he managed to make it up
the stairs to a cathedral and into the entrance, where he crashed from pew to pew,
finally making his way to a side aisle and into a confessional.
A priest had observed all this, and figured the fellow needed some help, so he entered
his side of the confessional.
After the priest sat there in deathly silence, he finally asked, "May I help you, my son?"
"I dunno," came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any paper on your side?"
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The other day when I was on a plane to go on holiday the pilot came out of his cockpit
and started introducing himself to passengers by his first name Pontius. Nice fellow.
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Aged Couple
Him: For the last 36 years, all you seem to do is find fault with anything I say.
Her : 32 years.
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While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle
Sobbing daughter to her mother: I told him I wanted to walk down the aisle.
He took me to the supermarket:
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The local nunnery, Sister Maria is renowned for her intelligence.
She is known as 'Nun The Wiser'
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I received an email for Luxury escapes stating the hottest destinations for the week.
I laughed when they said Paris.
Is it because they keep setting fire to restaurants, cars and rubbish?
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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office
and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in
good hands.
"Now," she asked me, “has your plane arrived yet?"
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I love to read those advice columns in the newspaper. I read
one this morning. It said, "What's the worst thing a wife
can get on her twenty fifth wedding anniversary?"
"Morning Sickness."
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Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting?
They bought new outfits& equipment, and went out to a place in the woods
where they heard the hunting was really good. But after several hours of
thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, "I don't know about this.
We've been out here all day and haven't caught a single duck.
Do you think we're doing something wrong?"
"I don't know," replied the other. "Maybe we're not throwing
the dog high enough."
