Food for thought
1. If a bottle of poison reaches its expiration date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer
poisonous?
2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?
3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
4. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
5. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims".
5. Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in refrigerator?
7. As I've grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but irritating
everyone is a piece of cake!
8. I'm responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.
9. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.
10. It's not my age that bothers me - it's the side effects.
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This nun was very methodical and organised. Her name was Sister Mattick.
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An atheist was being chased by a grizzly bear in a Canadian forest. He prays to God
and asks him to turn the bear into a Christian so that he can have mercy on him.
The bear corners the atheist and a flash of lightning strikes the bear.
The bear falls to his knees, clasps his hand, bows his head and starts praying
" For what I am about to receive I am truly grateful."
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The big chess tournament was taking place at the Plaza in New York. After the first day's
competition, many of the winners were sitting around in the foyer of the hotel talking
about their matches and bragging about their wonderful play.
After a few drinks they started getting louder and louder until finally, the desk clerk
couldn't take any more and kicked them out.
The next morning the Manager called the clerk into his office and told him there had been
many complaints about his being so rude to the hotel guests....instead of kicking them out,
he should have just asked them to be less noisy.
The clerk responded, "I'm sorry, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer."
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An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she
wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal
each morning.
She did this religiously and lived to the ripe old age of 103. She left behind 14 children,
30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a
40 foot HOLE where the crematorium used to be.
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A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired.
At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had
been prescribed for her. As the doctor was looking through these his eyes grew wide as
he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?"
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee and said, "Yes, dear, I know that.
But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my
16-year-old Granddaughter drinks. And believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night."
