There is nothing called Multiplication Tables anymore. There is something called Product Algorithms and the copyright to them is held by Silicon Valley. So from now on if you want to multiply 2 by 2 you have to use these Product Algorithms and pay royalties to Silicon Valley.
Anyone violating this copyright, for example to multiply 2 by 2 and arrive at 4, will be vigorously pursued in court by the Silicon Valley life forms.
As soon as Silicon Valley masters division it will obtain the copyrights to that too.
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Do hairdressers get a cut of the profits?
I've been listening to a cassette of protest songs; it's a demo tape.
My wife thinks I'm just a gullible old fool who will never amount to
anything. Well, according to my daily horoscope, she's wrong.
Using bleach in your washing is the only true path to enwhitenment.
Me: I'm having a great day apart from Newpussycat
Friend: What's Newpussycat?
Me: Whoaaah, Whoaaah, Whoaaah
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As a singer I sing at many funerals & I was recently asked by a funeral director to play & sing at a graveside service for a homeless man.
He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery out in the country.
As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw that the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.
There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt bad and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place.
I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to sing.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I sang from my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.
As I sang “Amazing Grace”, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.
When I finished, I packed up my keyboard and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I’ve never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
Apparently, I’m still lost….
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A car hits a lady & the husband calls 911.
The operator asks, "Where are you at"?
The husband replies, "I'm on Eucalyptus Road."
The operator asks, "Can you spell that for me?"
"Well... I'll just drag her over to Oak so you can you pick her up there?"
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Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog Skipper had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
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An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple
had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their
old neighbourhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back
to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old
desk they'd shared, where Jerry had carved I love you, Sally.
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car,
practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure
what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money –
fifty thousand dollars!
Jerry said, “We've got to give it back.”
Sally said, “Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid it
in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighbourhood
looking for the money, and knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either
of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?”
Sally said, “No.”
Jerry said, “She's lying. She hid it up in the attic.”
Sally said, “Don't believe him, he's getting senile.”
The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him.
One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.”
Jerry said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday” .......
The first police officer turned to his partner and said,” We’re outta here!”
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A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list.
"Lady," one of them explained, "we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar."
"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"
"Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."
