This guy was idly walking along the Beach when he came
across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picked it up
and, on and impulse, gave it a rub and, sure enough a genie
appeared and told him he had been granted one wish. He
thought for a moment and said, “I want to live forever.”
“Sorry,” said the genie, “I’m not allowed to grant eternal life.”
“Okay then, I want to die after our government balances
the budget, eliminates debt and stamps out corruption.”
You sneaky blighter…” said the genie !
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A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar after lock down
“What will it be?” the barman asked the rabbit,
“I don't rightly know said the rabbit, I am only here because of auto correct.”
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A busy estate agent was trying desperately to sell me a house that had it’s laundry outside in a garage.
“Look,” he declared, while you wash your clothes you can keep an eye on your children as they can come down here with you and play for hours!”
I took my sunglasses off so he could see my face clearly.
“My children are in their thirties,” I told him. “If I asked them to leave work and come and skip around in here they would have me locked up!”
The agent looked closely at me for the first time, slapped his side, doubled up with laughter and quickly ran around the side of the house!
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Seeing the funeral story about Jock reminded me of happier times in Jocks life
As he lay dying, his old friend Andy came to his bedside to visit. 'Andy', said Jock, 'In yon cupboard is a bottle of 40 year old whiskey. When I'm gone, will you pour it over ma grave for me?'
Andy though long and hard about this before answering ' Aye Jock, I'll do it, but you'll not mind if it passes through ma kidneys first?'
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My husband worked at a hydro dam and his boss asked him what steps he would take if there was a bomb scare. His reply was "BIG ones up to the top of the hill". The boss asked the other worker what steps he would take. His reply was "I'd probably be running past Phil". The boss was VERY disappointed in what he said would be a "gross dereliction of duty". "But we'd still be alive", said Phil, "so it would be worth the shame".
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The specifications for the Four Man Bobsled cars for the upcoming Winter Olympics have been released so the Teams can prepare to build them.
In keeping with Social Distancing recommendations, the cars will be 23 feet long !
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The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.
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Before I got through to Sea World, I had to say "Jump through the hoop! Do a flip!"
They said my call may be recorded for training porpoises.
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Steven Hawking came back from his first date in 10 years.
His Glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, twisted ankle and grazed knees.
Apparently she stood him up.
