My wife complained that my life revolving around Facebook has destroyed the way we communicate as a family, so I blocked her.
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A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.
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I was taking a tour of the Great Pyramid at Giza, in Egypt, when I stumbled across a secret room. I sneaked away from the tour group to explore the room. I found a dusty lamp and picked it up. When I wiped the dust off, a genie appeared in a puff of smoke.
"For freeing me from my prison, I will grant you a wish. What will it be, master?"
"I want a spectacular job, a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do."
"Ka Zam!" exclaimed the genie. "You're a housewife."
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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license and has to take an eye test.
They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.
"Can you read this?" the optician asks.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replies, "I know that guy!"
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When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old son overheard some of her parents' private conversations. One day when Diane and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.
"Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!"
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My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won't understand what we're saying. I didn't realize what a habit this had become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup aisle.
An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, "Boy is she r-u-d-e!"
"Yeah," he replied, "but I'll bet she can s-p-e-l-l."
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As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian.
She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped.
I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right.
"I'm fine," she assured me, "but if that dog hadn't honked..."
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An ant knocked on the door of a house.
The house owner opened the door.
"I want a place to stay," said the ant.
"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free of cost," said the owner.
The ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.
After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the owner, "Can you please allow this ant to stay with me?"
"Oh sure, you can do so without paying any rent," said the owner.
After some days the ant brought a 3rd ant and requested the owner to allow it to stay with them.
The owner agreed to it without asking for any rent.
This went on as the ant brought in more and more ants and the owner agreed to let them stay without any rent.
One fine day, the ant brought in the 10th ant and requested the owner to allow it to stay with them all.
The owner said, "OK, you can all stay here but now you all need to pay rent."
Now the question is: Why did the owner ask for rent when the 10th ant came in?
Because they were now tenants!
.jpg "President Ian Mc Kay & wife Sherril")
