Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days afterward, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc - 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'''
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur- be careful.'"
--------------------------------------------
A couple of elderly men were venting their frustrations about the woes of modern technology.
"I just can't ever seem to remember my darn passwords," grumbled one of them.
The other one smiled. "Oh really? I can never forget mine!"
"How do you manage it?" asked the first guy curiously.
"Well, I simply set all my passwords to 'Incorrect' so that whenever I'm told that my password is incorrect, I'll remember it!"
--------------------------------------------
John's wife woke up one morning feeling completely deflated.
"My word, I feel like my mind has almost completely gone!"
"Are you really surprised?" John asked.
"Why would you say that, John?"
"Because you've been giving me a piece of it every day for fifty years!"
--------------------------------------------
Two senior ladies were out for a Sunday drive in a huge car. Neither of them could really see too much over the dashboard.
When they came to an intersection, the light was red yet they kept on cruising through.
The passenger thought to herself, "I feel like I'm losing it, but I swear we just drove through a red light."
A few minutes later, they drove through another red light. The passenger was almost certain that the light had been red but was still slightly concerned that she might be going mad, so she decided togive the driver one last chance.
As they were approaching the next intersection, the passenger paid a great deal of attention. This time the lights were certainly red, yet just as before they just sped past.
"Susan!" the passenger yelled. "Do you know we just ran 3 red lights in a row? We could have been killed!"
"Oh, am I driving?" came the reply.
--------------------------------------------
I didn't think wearing orthopedic shoes would help me, but I stand corrected.
How do you lift a kangaroo with one hand? Doesn't matter, you probably will never find a one handed kangaroo anyway.
How do you catch a penguin? cut a hole in the ice, put peas around the hole, when a penguin comes up for a pea, you hit him in the ice hole.
.jpg "President Stephen Bellamy")
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
