A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand
up!” After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, “Do you
think you're stupid, Larry?”
“No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”
-----------------------------------
She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and
found that she had locked her keys inside.
The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She
looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her some HELP.
Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, driven by a
bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. He got off of his
cycle and asked if he could help.
She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick. I've locked my keys in my car. I
must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute
the car was open.
She hugged the man and through tears said, "Thank You SO Much! You are
a very nice man."
The man replied, "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of PRISON
yesterday; I was in prison for car theft.
The woman hugged the man again sobbing, "Oh, thank you,
God! You even sent me a Professional!"
-----------------------------------
Q: What do you give a pony with a cold?
A: Cough Stirrup!
(Is that because it's a little hoarse?)
-----------------------------------
The jockey was riding the favourite at a race meeting, and was well ahead of the field. His horse rounded the final corner, when suddenly the jockey was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages.
He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence.
With great skill he managed to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run in, he was struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding. Thus distracted, he succeeded in coming only second.
He immediately went to the race stewards to complain that he had been seriously hampered.
