Once upon a time, long ago, there lived a sailor named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man's man, who showed no fear when facing his enemies.
One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship, and the crew became frantic.
Captain Bravo bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly coloured frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the pirates.
That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumph. One of them asked the Captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?"
The captain replied, "If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood. Thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid."
All of the men sat in and marvelled at the courage of such a manly man's man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual orders.
Captain Bravo gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown trousers!"
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Burglars are getting very clever these days. Last night my wife woke me up and said “Darling! Darling! There’s a burglar downstairs!” So I go down and check every room and don’t find everyone.
Then I realised I don’t have a wife, and when I went back upstairs my bed and TV were gone.
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Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson went on a camping trip. In the middle of the night Holmes nudged his faithful friend.
“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied,”I see millions and millions of stars!”
“What does that tell you, Watson?”
“It tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. I also deduce that it is approximately a quarter past three and that the weather will be beautiful tomorrow. Why, what does it tell you?”
Holmes was silent for a moment then replied, “Watson, someone has stolen our tent!”
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I heard what I thought was light rain on the roof and told my husband I would go outside and investigate.
“Don’t worry about getting up,” he replied. “I’ll look it up on the laptop.”
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The bartender asked a guy sitting at the bar: “What’ll you have?”
The guy answered: “A scotch, please.”
The bartender handed him the drink and said: “That’ll be $5.”
The guy said: “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.”
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, said to the bartender: “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.”
The bartender was understandably unhappy, but said to the guy: “Okay, I’ll let you off this time, but don’t ever let me catch you in here again.”
The next day, the same guy walked into the bar. The bartender said: “What the hell are you doing in here? I thought I told you to steer clear of this joint. I can’t believe you’ve got the nerve to come back.”
The guy said innocently: “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life.”
Fearing that he had made a mistake, the bartender backed down. “I’m very sorry,” he said, “but the likeness is uncanny. You must have a double.”
The guy replied: “Thanks. Make it a scotch.”
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