On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.
He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem ― how to carry his purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him
she was lost.
She asked "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?” The farmer replied
"Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there
but I can’t carry this lot."
The old lady suggested "Why don’t you do this? Put the can of paint in the bucket.
Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand."
"Why, thank you very much, that works just fine!" he said, and proceeded to walk
the old girl home.
On the way he said "Let’s take my usual short cut and go down this alley.
We’ll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without
a husband to defend me ... How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t have
your way with me?”
The farmer said with some irritation "Holy smokes, lady! I’m carrying a bucket,
a gallon of paint, two chickens,
and a goose. How in the world could I do that?"
The old lady replied "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint can
on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
An American is waiting for the lift.
An Englishman arrives and asks: Are you waiting for the lift?
American: No, I am waiting for the elevator.
Englishman: It is called a lift.
American: No. We invented it. It is called an elevator.
Englishman: No. We invented the language. It is called a lift.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
After a day full of accidents and mistakes, my coworker had had it.
"Why," she cried out in exasperation, "do things that happen to stupid people keep
happening to me?!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
After a torrential rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys,
a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddles through her
kitchen window.
The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his brother by the back of his
head and shoved his face into the water hole.
As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard
in a panic.
'Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!' she asks as she shook the
older boy in anger.
'We were just playing 'church' mummy,' he said.
'And I was just baptizing him ... ... in the name of the Father, the Son and in ...
the hole-he-goes.'
