Two blokes living in the Australian outback saw a couple of jobs advertised by the Queen of England. She was looking for footmen, to walk beside her carriage.
They applied and were very happy to be flown to London for an interview with Her Majesty.
HM said to them: “Because my footmen must wear long white stockings, I must see your ankles to be sure they are not swollen or misshapen."
After they show her their ankles, the Queen said: “It is also important that you don’t have knobby knees, so I need to see your knees too.”
Once she has seen their knees, she says: “Now everything appears to be in shape, so I just need to see your testimonials.”
Nine years later, when the pair are released from prison, one of the blokes said to the other:
”I reckon, if we’d just had just a bit more education, we would have got that job!”
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A nine year old girl has disappeared after using moisturiser that makes you look
10 years younger
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A little girl was at a wedding with her parents.
Slightly confused, after the nupitals, she asked her mother why the bride changed her mind.
“What do you mean?” responded her mother, looking perplexed.
“Well,” the little girl, with the kind of observational powers only a child can manage. “She went down the aisle with one man and came back with another!”
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My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife who was trying to feed her said to me, "Straighten her up."
I looked at my daughter and said, "What are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It's time to grow up and take some responsibility."
My wife hasn't asked me to help with her since.
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I was in a couple's home trying to fix their Internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. "Start with a capital S, then 123," she shouted back.
We tried S123 several times, but it didn't work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, "I really don't know what's so difficult about typing 'Start123.'"
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Other passengers started to scream. Suddenly, the pilot ran from the cockpit, opened one of the overhead lockers and pulled out a parachute, then quickly strapped it on his back.
“Don’t worry!" he yelled at the passengers, as they now sat silent and aghast. "I’m going for help!"
.jpg "President Ian Mc Kay & wife Sherril")
