A doctor, lawyer, and a Rotarian in charge of fundraising all die and arrive at the Pearly Gates about the same time. St. Peter tells them they may each have one thing to take with them to Heaven.

The doctor is first, and asks for $1 million. This is given and proceeds to enter Heaven. The lawyer, not to be outdone, asks for $2 million. "Very well," say St. Peter and opens the gate to Heaven for the lawyer.

Finally it is time for the Rotarian, who had just finished a fundraising project for The Rotary Foundation. St. Peter asks him what he would like to take to Heaven. The fundraiser moves up very close to St. Peter, and in a soft voice asks, "It it's not too much trouble, could I just have the names of those two people who were ahead of me in line?"

After a morning fishing, a Rotarian left for a District meeting in the afternoon and his wife decided to motor out into the lake, drop anchor and read her book.
A Game Warden pulls up alongside the woman in his boat. "'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book" she replies.
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area" he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading".
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault" says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am" the warden said, and he left.

It is common practice to expect new Rotarians to give a talk to their fellows about themselves, their early life, their training and the job that they do. This is called a "Job Talk" by some and "The Man Behind the Badge" by others.
Later in Rotary life the Rotarian is often expected to fill the speaker diary by giving a talk which is NOT connected with his work. A hobby such as stamp collecting or model trains would be a good example.
My story recounts the time when Fred arrived at the meeting of his Rotary club to be reminded that he was the speaker for the evening and this was not a "Job Talk".
He had forgotten and was not prepared. He sat at the top table, beside the Chairman for the evening, and thought about a subject during the meal.
When he was announced he spoke about sex. The meeting listened to every word and asked many questions. It was a success.
When he arrived home, Mary his wife, asked "How was Rotary?".
"It was a good meeting" he said.
"What was for dinner?" she asked.
"Beef, and it was good" he answered.
"Who was the speaker?" she continued.
"I was" he replied.
"What did you speak about?"
Now he can see trouble looming!
"Sailing" he lied.
The next morning Mary was shopping in the town and visited the butcher who was also a Rotarian.
"Fred gave a wonderful talk last night." he said.
"Yes" said Mary, "but I don't understand why he chose the subject. The first time he did it he was sick and the second time his hat blew off".