A music teacher told me about a lesson she was giving to some young students.
She was explaining how some notes are major notes, e.g C F G, and the concept of “sharp (#)” notes, denoted thus, e.g. C# F# G#.
A young girl put up her hand and said, “Excuse me Miss, but haven’t you got the Hashtags on the wrong side?"
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This guy has been working as a bag boy in a supermarket for five years.
One day the supermarket gets new orange juice machines, and the bag boy is real excited and asks the manager if he can work the juice machines.
The manager says no. The bagger says, "But I've been working here for 5 years, why can't I run the juice machines?"
The manager goes, "I'm sorry, son, but, baggers can't be juicers."
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A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?"
" Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible.
Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."
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A true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening Times
Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab.
Then, the shaking driver said "are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."
The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault.
Today is my very first day driving a cab.
I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."
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A bar in NYC is installing a breathalyzer. If your drunk, it advises you not to drive. If you're really, really drunk, it advises you not to call your old girlfriend.
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A guy goes into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot stuck in one nostril and a cucumber in the other ear.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you're not eating right."
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